girl
name: mysieage: 34
locale: seattle
sign: capricorn
seeks: beauty
all about me
currently
feeling:
craving: motivation
surfing: fire mountain
wishing: x, x, x
blog
CurrentJanuary to April 2006
Archives
creative
jewelryfiction
poetry / misc.
photos
movie reviews
site
wwwmysies
goodies
duran duran
pets
domain
support
contact
guestbookcontact
link me
more buttons here
SAT 2.28.04 @ 11:37am
Despite things not going my way yesterday, I was feeling optimistic. Not anymore. My sister-in-law is having a family crisis. It would be improper to give any details here, but the situation really affects all of us. It's a no-win situation right now, which hurts even more. Think good thoughts for her, and us.
WED 2.25.04 @ 11:04pm
Sometimes something with the power to upset me won't leave me alone. Sometimes, I'm really good at ignoring it. One thing I've been pretty good at ignoring is the fact that my brother-in-law is joining the Peace Corp later this year. He's hoping for placement somewhere in Africa. I believe the topic had come up once or twice before in my presence, but over the weekend we spent in Snohomish county, I realized it was real. He was really going to do this. I'm probably being irrational (what, Mysie, irrationally? naawww), but the idea terrifies me. He's going to Africa for 2 years. It sounds... crazy. I don't know why it scares me so much, but it does.
Maybe it's because my other brother-in-law is in Baharain as I write this. Maybe it's all the coverage over the last few years of Rwanda, civil wars, AIDS crises, Noah Wylie have guns pointed at his head on ER, blood diamonds, Nigeria boycotting polio vaccines. Just... crazy shit, and I don't want him in the middle of it.
When I was first introduced to Eric's family, Ian was in middle school. He was kind of quiet, kind of short, kind of just in the background. He's since grown taller than my husband, was shockingly (to Eric and his sister) popular in high school, and has proved to be very political. (I was going to add "highly intelligent", but I have a feeling everyone in the family knew that long before I joined them.) He's going to go to law school, and probably go into politics after that. But for now, he wants to take two years and go to a third-world country and help people out with the Peace Corp.
He probably has no idea, but I think he's amazing. I think he's making a wonderful choice. I hope he knows we're all tremendously proud of him. And yet, I find it terrifying that he's doing this.
All grown up. Wow.
TUE 2.24.04 @ 8:58pm
Today was a crankappotamous day. Crap, I can't even spell made up words. *sigh* Sorry Dana.
I was so tired when I went to bed last night, and I thought life was playing a cosmic joke when the alarm went off at 8am this morning. Had to get up and take the car in for service. Got there at 9am, and they spent just over a half hour getting me checked in and on my way. I couldn't believe it. So much for going home for a quick breakfast before going to the doctor.
On the way to the doctor, I caught a look at my reflection. Ugh. No wonder random people are always telling me to smile or cheer up or whatever. I was cranky and hungry and couldn't go the easiest way to get on the highway and traffic was ick. I looked like my puppy had just died or something.
Doctor's appt. went ok. Found out all the lab results came back normal. Had my "female" checkup. One more area of my life I thought was coming under control and it's started going haywire again. Good news a) I got a prescription for a pain reliever that may be better than the huge doses of aleve I'm currently taking, b) I may just try Depo Provera again after wussing out last time. I'll have to give it some thought.
Went home, ate, took a nap. Got woken (? grammar) up by the car people telling me my car was ready. Too bad it was a little late to go get it and return the loaner. I will never in my life own a VW Golf. All the mirrors made everything appear either closer or farther away than it was, and the windshield had a curve in it that was giving me a headache. It did have a CD player in it though. *sigh of envy*
Went to the dentist and endured the "pick of doom", ie: they attacked 3 years of plaque. I can't believe I've let that long go by without going in. I thought it was only a year. I'm *really* freaked of the dentist. And, lucky me, I have 2 more cavities to fill. *sigh of forlorn resignation* Good news: I told the dentist I didn't want to have my wisdom teeth pulled through surgery afterall because I realized I'm more afraid of going under (never had surgery before) than him poking me with needles. He told me that dental surgery wouldn't require me fully going under. He said after consulting with the surgeon, I might even be able to get away with just valium and laughing gas. Mmmm, valium.... *ahem*
Once I was home, I tried to finally schedule workmen to come out to work on the wall. They were closed. Lazy bastards going home at 4pm (joke, sheesh). Dope that I am, I forgot (? subconsciously put off ?) calling the dental surgeon. Instead, I made some dinner. BBQ steak (dry - I knew the marinade only works if you do it overnight!) and black beans and rice. Lucky me, bb&r was not spicy at all. We will probably be having that again! It was yummie.
Wow, this is the longest boring entry of all time! 'night.
MON 2.23.04 @ 10:32am
No updates because it's been a boring couple of days. I haven't heard back from the doctor yet about my blood tests. I started going back to the gym Thursday. I had put back 2 of the 3 pounds I lost.
I finally saw "Bowling for Columbine" on cable Saturday. I'm thinking maybe I'm going about this wrong. Maybe I should be all political on non-election years, and then just sit out all politics when it's do-or-die time. As usual, Michael Moore left me scared and frustrated with our government. And now that Nader's back in the race, I'm thinking of just not looking at the news again until December. I just get too emotionally involved.
I was going to shut-up, but I can't. Because Ralph Nader makes me SICK. Why can't the man wait until we have a Democrat in the White House, and then run against him when he's up for re-election? I'm sorry Ralph, but you're a fucking pompous ass. Because there are some things ENORMOUSLY more important than challenging the two party system. Most importantly, upholding Roe v. Wade. Yes, I want someone in the White House that starts taking care of domestic issues and stops bringing war to other countries. I want national, socialized health care. I want gay rights and gay marriages. I want gun control. But all of that can go hang, because Roe v. Wade is too important to fuck with.
Until the day that Republicans stop attacking abortion rights, stop trying to introduce legislation to make a fetus a person, and stop eyeing Supreme Court seats as their way to overturn what should be a basic human right, I'm going to support the Democratic candidate for President.
I think the two party system is shit. I think the way elections and fundraising for them is run is shit. I think the Electoral College is a joke.
But keeping Republicans away from the White House is a million more times important than the issues Ralph Nader is trying to bring to the forefront of these elections. The man isn't even a joke anymore. He's a fucking nightmare. We had our chance with Dean. Naderites liked Dean. And Dean just wasn't right this year. So Nader's going to take up the flag now? Once again? Despite what some of his previous supporters are saying?
It takes a pompous ass to run for President of this country. But Nader takes the cake. Someone give him an award. And then lock him in a closet with it for the next year. Please?
WED 2.18.04 @ 11:02pm
Playground Injury by Porsche Johnson, Grade 5
We got a postcard in the mail at work today from a client announcing they'd moved. The above image was on the front of the card. On the back was the name of the piece, and information about it. A 5th grade teacher took her class to see an exhibit at the Seattle Art Museum, an exhibit about the life and works of Jacob Lawrence. Then she asked her kids to portray their own "personal struggles" after reflecting on the works they saw.
I'm not sure I understand the piece. I don't understand where the injury is/has happened. Everyone looks happy, except for the tall girl on the far right. She definitely looks sad. But why?
I couldn't keep my eyes off of this image all day at work. So much of it kept me coming back to it. The idea that a 5th grader would have the sense of mind to title a work of art. The fact that the title sounds so profound. The way the image is so subtle, and keeps me scratching my head. Pondering the technique used to create the image. It seems really similar to our experiments in making ink prints with preschoolers in my college art class.
I keep looking at that girl's face. Why is she sad?
WED 2.18.04 @ 10:58am
When I overheard the tail-end of a conversation about it on the radio, I thought I was hearing things. A joke maybe? Were they just talking about Massachusetts?
Nope, they were talking about San Francisco. I'm surprised no one there had done it sooner, but as the Valentine's Day weekened quickly approached, the mayor of SF told the county clerk's office to stop discriminating when handing out marriage licenses. The first same-sex marriage was performed the morning of February 12th, and since then thousands of others have been performed. Opponents were turned away by judges on Friday, and then again yesterday were denied any real victory. One judge issued a non-binding declaration that the city is currently ignoring as it continues to wed same-sex partners, and another judge simply told them to give her until next Friday.
Exciting times. Especially after Bush gave the scariest State of the Union address I've ever heard.
Jesse Jackson is opposed to gay marriage. The man seems to think that discrimination doesn't count if your ancestors weren't slaves. Truly bizarre. Luckily, his voice wasn't the only one raised in Mass. last week, where they're still trying to do things the legal way.
Yes, it's likely all these marriages in CA will be overturned shortly, as CA officially has an anti-gay-marriage law on its books. But it's about time someone did something noble like this. And this does open up an important window: for CA to rule that law as unconstitutional. If that ever happens, there will be legal marriages in CA, and the US Constitution says something in it about a marriage in any state must be recognized by all the other states.
Hence Bush Jr. is trying to spearhead a campaign for a Constitutional amendment to change all that.
Exciting times. Scary as fuck, but exciting.
TUE 2.17.04 @ 11:38am
Wow, it's Tuesday. Crap. Here I was hoping the weekend would last forever. Damn.
I've just finished up a few cosmetic changes around the site, added a Creative Commons License, and put up all of my scanned images of Duran Duran. Thinking about that hottie Simon made me get off my ass and put some pages together to organize the scans that have been sitting around for over a year now with nothing to do.
It's kind of sad how many D2 images I've lost. There are about 100 images scanned from sheets torn from copies of Bop, 16, and Tiger Beat magazines. I had the magazine-page-tear down to a science! Unfortunately, there wasn't a great science to taping or tacking the images to my walls - some of the images have corner tape tears and/or pinholes in them. *shrug* Anyway, it's just sad, because I had probably 4 or 5 times as many images when I was 14. I must have thrown most of them out when I went to college. *sigh*
Anywho, um... Dammit, another lost weekend. I can't remember what we did this weekend after Friday night. I hate that... Saturday night we went to the mall to try to get Eric's ring resized, since he's lost so much weight.
They told us they wouldn't do it, because the ring is gold overlay, not 100% gold. Someone fucking ripped us off when they sold us that ring. I'd be more pissed if I could remember who sold us the ring. Unlike the $900 investment in the diamond wedding set for me, buying the $49 dollar ring for Eric didn't really stick in either of our minds. Neither of us can remember where or quite when we bought it.
Sunday... I know we rented some movies. We still haven't gotten to Cabin Fever. There was a stupid anime called Darkside Blues, which looked promising as it was by the makers of Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust. However, it had a pretty crap story. I'm beginning to really hate anime that picks up in the middle of a story with deep mythology, and they never really explain the mythology. That's half the fun of anime and sci fi!
Now I remember, we rented that Denzel Washington flick, Out of Time. It was alright. Not excellent, but better than I thought it was going to be. Denzel Washington is an impressive actor, but the commercials just didn't make the movie look interesting. Eva Mendes and Sanaa Lathan really made this movie so much more enjoyable. Thank god Denzel didn't have to carry it himself. He really tried though. He is just amazing to watch, even in a thriller as boring as this one.
Yesterday... What the fuck did I do yesterday? I did laundry, in fact, I'm still doing laundry. Um... I fucked around on the internet. I started the pages for the D2 scans. Um... What the hell happened to yesterday? *sigh*
I do remember that at some point of the weekend I finished yet another Nancy Kress book, Nothing Human. So much about it was definitely Nancy Kress-ish. I just wasn't as impressed with it as other books of hers.
OK, I'm going to stop trying to remember my weekend - I'm starting to hurt my head. And anyway, I suppose I should start getting ready for work. Ho-hum.
seriously, how could you possibly resist him???
SUN 2.15.04 @ 11:07pm
One of my favorite songs of all time just slipped into play on iTunes, Duran Duran's The Chauffer. Even better, it was an accoustic version from this Russian import CD I got... off Ebay? I can't recall now. Anyway, it just occurred to me, I'm never going to have sex with Simon leBon.
That's so depressing. Honestly, today there are a lot of other famous people I'd rather have sex with than Simon leBon, but he was my first serious crush. For years I walked around with this hope that he'd walk up to me in unexpected locales, so I could drop to the ground and spread my legs right there. I wanted him so bad.
One of the rare emails I get from Heather (hint, hint if you're reading this), she recently said we should have been born about 10 years earlier. We would have had such a blast if we'd been teenagers in the 80s, rather than preteens.
I told her no, everything happens for a reason, blah blah. And I believe that. Really. But damn, I really missed my chance there to fuck Simon leBon, y'know? Dammit.
SAT 2.14.04 @ 12:02pm
I wanted to say something really quickly about supporting actors. Sometimes, you see these performances that just leave you stunned, and it's the supporting actor in a scene. Someone you've never seen before, and hope you see again soon. the Law & Order shows are really good at this.
On Tuesday's Law & Order: Special Victim's Unit, a guy named Patrick Flueger put on an amazing performance as a teenage boy who just found out his dead girlfriend had actually been his sister. Sound bizarre and melodramatic? Trust me, the scene wasn't. It was heart-breaking, and Patrick Flueger made sure your heart broke right along with his. You got to see his shell-shocked face a few more times throughout the episode, and then they were kind enough to give us one last scene with him at the end, and it also really stood out. This guy is going places. He better, damn it. His performance was phenomenal.
Over at the original Law & Order on Wednesday, one of my favorite guest stars ever had her 11th appearance on the show, one Tovah Feldshuh. I love this woman to pieces. I often have father-envy after watching a movie that has a really cool, upstanding Dad in it, but this woman causes Mother-envy in me. She has a brilliant recurring role over at L&O, and I've caught her being brilliant in at least one film, Kissing Jessica Stein (a role I just realized I talked about here), and I really want to see her in more, bigger roles. This woman is as sharp as a tack, lets emotions play on her face like the pro she is, and she has one of the most gorgeous smiles I've ever seen. She's 52 years old, and I adore her. And not because she reminds me of my therapist, either.
Finally, to cap off this weeks experiences with phenomenal supporting actors, there was a whole cast of them in The Butterfly Effect. The 13 year old Tommy as played by Jesse James was monstrous. I think he might be getting pigeon-holed already: I looked up his previous gigs, and he was on an episode of Angel, I believe the one about a young boy who they think is possessed, but he's really just THAT evil. There was also the 13 year old Evan played by John Patrick Amedori, who was interesting to watch. But I really liked the 7 year old Evan the most, played by Logan Lerman. Maybe it's just me, because now that I think about it, Jesse James was probably the best actor in this film. But there's something about 7 year old Evan facing down Eric Stoltz and calling him a "Fuckball" (or was it "Fuckbag"?) that was so satisfying and right. Not until this morning did I realize how odd it was that such a young actor had pulled off that scene so dramatically. I think this kid is going places too.
SAT 2.14.04 @ 11:08am
yesterday was not such a good day. going to the doctor and having him as baffled as you are at your collection of symptoms is not a happy event. neither is having your blood drawn because they think you might have diabetes.
in hoping to cheer me up, eric let me pick last night's dinner & movie. let me tell you, going to see the butterfly effect was a horrible way to end the week i've had, and not for the reasons that anyone would expect, but for reasons i can't go into here. except to say that sometimes, there should be warnings for certain movies.
the movie actually got better as it went along. i had really low hopes after the first few minutes. something about the quality of acting and the pacing, it just seemed like they were jamming everything in, not giving enough thought to anything. but once the film slowed down to allow Ashton Kutcher to relive all the crap his character had just gone through in the previous half hour or so, the film got better. not spectacular, but better.
fyi, there is an amusingly satirical thread about this movie at imdb, starting off with the following statement: "This movie should be banned because it does not properly represent minorities. It also creates many untrue stereotypes of white people, such as they can travel through time."
THU 2.12.04 @ 11:01pm
here we go again. yet another set of doctors thinks i may have diabetes. i have an appointment at 11:30am tomorrow. having my blood drawn is my most favoritist thing in the world. not.
WED 2.10.04 @ 11:25pm
found an old friend at a new home tonight. her blog makes me envious. i've looked into moveable type and others, and it all seemed way over my head, especially since i'm not in control of my own hosting. it seems my friend has found a way around this through a service.
is a service right for me? i don't think so. i like my domain. i like that i can change it up at any moment. not that i do... i've migrated to this layout that looks so similar to the mainstream blog style, and maybe i'm complacent, but i like it. and the site's finally in a place where it's easy to change on a whim.
so although there are cool features out there i lust over, mysie.com is doing just fine.
changing the subject, maybe i need to give the news a break. i take things so personally. unfortunately, as it's an election year, it's not a good time to give real life a break and hibernate on current events.
what now? apparently Texas is so distraught at having its sodomy laws ruled unconstitutional, they've decided to pick on married school teachers who have the audacity to show a friend how to use a vibrator. or maybe some DA down there wants their numbskull indecency laws ruled unconstitutional as well, and decided to charge a saint with this farce of a law to expedite the process. who knows. see if you can figure it out.
Texans and Frenchies, what will they think of next?
Weird, that just reminded me. About 5 years ago, I was subscribed to an email news service, and AT LEAST once a month I'd get a tidbit about some crazy new law the Taliban had created in Afghanistan. I would forward these things to my friends with titles like, "those wacky Afghans again." And now look at Afghanistan.
Should we declare war on Texas and France now? If only...
I'm telling you, this world would be a much nicer place if ruled by a dictator. Dictator Mysie. Maybe I'll start collecting money for my campaign...
WED 2.10.04 @ 9:55am
Don't even get me started on France and their treatment of their Muslim population. I keep reminding myself that France isn't America, there is no Constitutional right to freedom of religion. But why the hell not? This "no religious symbols" in public schools is terrifying. And the fact that the lawmakers publicly say it's to target Muslims, but to make it "fair" they're including Jews and Christians, just makes me want to wretch. On their expensive shoes, preferrably.
WED 2.10.04 @ 9:52am
We went to our caucus last Saturday and I voted for Dean. Eric was going to vote for Kerry, but when it looked like Edwards wasn't going to get enough votes to get a delegate, he changed his vote.
It looks like Kerry has things all wrapped up now to get the Democratic nomination. I'm ok with that for the most part. I hate the 2 party system. I hate the caucus system because it supports a 2 party system. But as long as the 2 party system is so entrenched, I will continue to vote Democrat, because the ramifications of a Republican president are far scarier than those of continuing a 2 party system.
MSN had a story this morning about Bush being in support of a Constitutional amendment banning gay marriage. Or rather, defining a marriage as solely between a man and a woman. It seems that some Republican has opened up legislation to begin this process.
I hate election years. I hate the years that Republicans sit in office, but the years where we're *this* close to unseating them are scarier. Because I allow myself to get my hopes up. I spent so much time close to tears in the days leading up to the 1992 election, my first time in participating in a Presidential election.
1996 I was more confident of Clinton's ability to keep his seat. In 2000, I was nervous again, but thought for sure Gore was going to win. And I spent a lot of time being angry with the Naderites, to spend too much energy worried about Bush actually winning.
And here we are, 4 years later. Why they thought 4 years with Bush was worth trying to open up the 2 party system is beyond me.
And here we are, ready to do it all again. Presidential Elections and the flu have the tendency to turn me into a praying person. Come pray with me. Bush has got to go. He's turned out to be as terrifying as his father.
TUE 2.10.04 @ 11:19pm
It's been a rough couple of days, but I think I'm coming out the other side.
Looks like I'm going to be staying at Westwind for a while. My hours are changing, and that is a definite plus. My boss and I see eye to eye, we just seem to have trouble realizing that sometimes. Here's to hoping things start working a little more smoothly from now on.
This nasty virus/flu/plague has done a number on me. I have had so many symptoms these past few days, I'm not sure which way is up. I'm still doing the dizzy thing. I am having gut-wrenching menstrual cramps, which were accompanied earlier this weekend by severe nausea. I seem to have the flu and/or the plague: constant runny nose, so much sneezing I got a bloody nose, and some coughing to boot. And as if that wasn't enough, I seem to have a migraine right now. I am very wary of taking any more drugs though, as there are so many in my system for the cramps.
Was Friday just the onset of this Flu? I don't know. I hope so, but something tells me it's not. Something tells me it's related to the dizziness. I have 2 leading suspects there: an inner-ear problem (I think I have tinitus ?sp), or a low blood-sugar problem. Quite possibly both. They tested me for diabetes about 2-3 years ago, and nothing came of it, but none of my symptoms were ever explained or dealt with.
I am now ready to take my vengeance out on Virginia Mason for the crap way Group Health treated me. That is not good, but this dizzy thing is freaking me out.
I have not worked out since... last Thursday, and I've been feeding my sore body whatever it likes to make it feel better. Once again reverting to the old habit of believing that eating healthy is a punishment, and why punish an already aching body?
Tomorrow is another day. I'm going to bed.
SUN 2.8.04 @ 11:46pm
I'm really sick. I've spent too much time this weekend debating the choices of throwing up or just killing myself. Trying to sleep through it, apparently, has not been one of the options.
The flu?
Who knows. I wish I believed in a god that I could pray and make sacrifices to. I think I'd be willing to slaughter small animals on an alter to get rid of this.
Big Fish is a good movie. So is My House in Umbria. Here's to hoping the Gods of Sleep are kinder to me tonight.
FRI 2.6.04 @ 7:57pm
Today is the day of 5000 posts.
I forgot to mention that Amazon tricked me - my books arrived Tuesday! I read SBM every chance I had for 2 straight days and finished last night. It was an exciting book, but too short. It ends in the middle of a lot of action. Not necessarily a cliff-hanger, but definitely in mid-motion.
I have no idea if anyone who stops by here reads the Merry Gentry series, so I will only say this: one of the important things I've been anticipating since the end of the last book actually did happen, and almost everything else happened in ways I didn't expect. I'm still keeping to my theory that the books will not end with Merry pregnant, but instead once she is Queen of both courts.
I am very satisfied, and glad LKH isn't getting predictable. It is kind of weird how she can do non-stop action, and drag a scene on for chapters and chapters. Drag on is not quite the word though. It's just that at the end of a long scene, I'm hoping for reprieve for the characters to get some rest, and then the next chapter starts and you see it just starts up where the last chapter ended. No, "and the next day we woke up all nicely refreshed." Nope, just shit after shit after shit hitting the proverbial fan. It just astounds me that everything in this book takes place in little more than 24 hours, and so much happens.
Frustrated as all hell that it will be another 1.5 years until we get to see what happens next. Argh!
FRI 2.6.04 @ 5:43pm
Maybe I just needed to eat more? Eric came home with food at about 4:30, and by 5pm I was much improved. It's now about an hour after I ate, and I'm 99% better. Wow. Maybe I'm cutting too much sugar out of my diet? Maybe I had a bad reaction to my migraine cocktail this morning? Maybe this is just a different type of migraine?
I tell you, I never want to live through another day like this again. I was very scary. I really want to talk to the doctors about how bizarre this week has been for me, but I'm afraid Virginia Mason will be just like Group Health: clueless, and raising more questions than granting answers.
FRI 2.6.04 @ 4:15pm
So I was still feeling weird as I wrote that last entry. I decided to extend my lunch and go sit in my car to get a little rest. I lost a little time in the car. 5-10 minutes. I came back in and felt not better. I had Coral drive me home. I laid in bed and felt like that time I took some cold medicine that knocked me out, but not to sleep. My body felt so heavy and tired and sore, like even if I wanted to I couldn't move. So I laid in bed like this for... until 3:30 or so. I've been up for almost an hour and feel exactly the same as when I left work. I don't know what's wrong with me. Am I sick? My muscles "almost" hurt. Is that what the ache of a flu feels like? I don't have a fever. I couldn't sleep in the bed because my mind was racing. I... I just don't know what's wrong. I'm not exactly dizzy, not exactly light headed, but I'm not exactly good on my feet right now either.
WTF?
FRI 2.6.04 @ 1:28pm
You want to know what Serendipity is? I've been wondering how on earth to alter my own photos to get Sepia tones for... well, years now. Two nights ago lying in bed, it occurred to me that Google was a beautiful thing, lots of pages had tutorials, and I could be myself money there were Photoshop tutorials on Sepia toning out there. I went to work yesterday, and there was an email from Apple in my inbox, part of it about iPhoto 4 and how easy it is to make Sepia tones. I clicked on the link, and it sounded blissfully easy. Problem is, iPhoto 4 is only available from iLife '04, a pay package. :(
So on my lunch break I googled for tutorials. And found photoshop101. Can I just say, this is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen? OK, maybe not, but it sure is cool. This place has links to all sorts of FREE tutorials all over the web, organized by type. Not only do I know how to make Sepia tones, but also monochrome ones, and make gridlines. I'm also fairly confident I can now turn my images into black & white and then re-color them by hand, to have that cool effect of a b&w image with only someone's lips red, or perhaps a wedding bouquet or some such. No longer do I think that 14 year olds out there are out-doing me on web design because they were born with the coveted Graphic Design Gene.
Next step, to take over the world.
Pinky, but that down.
FRI 2.6.04 @ 1:08pm
Wow. That one really scared me. I'm still recovering. I was typing away about my gym experiences yesterday, and my fingers got all cold, and I started to sweat and shake. I immediately grabbed some candy and a can of coke and put my lunch in the microwave. That one was a little too close for comfort. I think I was starting to get tunnel-vision there for a moment.
I really wish someone could explain all the weird things that go on with my body. I mean, if it's so easy for my blood sugar to drop so low, why has it always been so hard for me to lose weight?
I don't even want to discuss how dizzy I've been this week. I have a doctor's appointment in two weeks. Maybe this doctor can finally help me with these mysteries, instead of adding new ones to my list.
FRI 2.6.04 @ 12:24pm
I am now at 198.5 lbs. I think the diet + workout is working, especially since I missed Monday and Tuesday's workout and I still weighed less on Wednesday than I did last Friday. 2.5 days of eating what I wanted, 4 days of no workouts, and I still lost weight.
My workouts this week have gone up a notch, and I'm feeling even better about them. I think I'm hitting an endorphin high or something, because I spend all day thinking about going to the gym instead of going home. I'm cycling harder, and it's easier to do. Somehow the bikes think I'm burning even less calories though. This makes no sense. And there's no way to enter my weight. I think I'm going to ignore the calorie counter. Yesterday I biked almost 4 miles in 10 minutes. Somehow, I don't think that only burned 37 calories.
Even more exciting, my knees are not hurting when I climb the stairs at home. I'm hoping this means that my knees aren't completely destroyed, and eventually I will be able to walk and run and do stairs without pain. I always did like running. Maybe eventually I will be able to do that instead of use the bikes. I've never been a big fan of jogging, so maybe not, but we'll see. There's a difference between sprinting for a minute or so, and finding a jogging rhythm for distance.
I thought about joining the track team when I was in the 7th grade, but the idea that distance running was also required, and not just sprinting, kept me from even looking into it. I wonder how different things would have been if I'd even tried?
Despite two really good workouts this week, yesterday was not my favorite day at the gym. First, I got my first lear. And not the sexist, yet somehow flattering kind either. How fucking childish. I think it's because I had just stretched a moment before and displayed my unshaved pits to the world. Like I feel some burning need to conform to some idiot at the gym's idea of beauty and shave my pits so he can grin in lust instead of curl his lip in disgust. How disgustingly male.
Then there was the guy at the leg press. Wait, I misspoke. The guy who abandoned the leg press with 5 x 45lb weights on each side. I was frustratingly in the middle of removing them when some guy walks up to me and says he had one last set to do, and would I mind?
Um, where the fuck did he come from? He was certainly nowhere near the machine when he approached, or even in that section. And why did he wait until I was half done removing all the weights myself before showing up and claiming the machine as his own? What the hell?
And then there was the trainer who was walking by who meant well when he started joking with me that I looked angry. And when someone jokes with me, I smile. And it was a little amusing. But truth was, I was tired, and lifting is hard work, and I was resting between sets. And I've always had a down-turned mouth. So where does he come off telling me I look angry and jokingly saying maybe I should try another machine instead? Especially the 2nd time he came around to a different machine I had moved to in my workout.
People who remark to strangers that they should smile just don't get it. They should mind their own business.
FRI 2.6.04 around 11am
It is so horrifying to hear about rapes. First I get the CNN Breaking news that the 11 year old girl that went missing 2 days ago has been found dead, even though they had video of who took her. And not an hour later CNN emails me that Rumsfield is calling for a review of sexual assaults against US servicewomen in Iraq and Kuwait by their fellow servicemen.
Sometimes, I just don't know how to contain my horror. And sometimes it's not just the act itself, but the dumbfoundedness that people still rape. It happens just too much for it to be just mental illness. Or are so many of the men on earth that mentally ill? Or is it really just in the male genes to rape when the opportunity arises? I heard a statistic somewhere that I just don't want to believe: that the percentage of men who would rape if they could get away with it was somewhere between 25-50%. I don't remember the exact number, just that it wasn't 50%, but it wasn't less than 25%, and I do remember being close to losing it at how high it was.
I just don't understand. I don't understand how a human being can rape another human being. In the "Expendable" series by James Alan Gardner, committing murder gets you labeled "non-sentient". I think that rape should qualify. And we should treat non-sentients as less-than-human. They should be herded up as animals, with no rights except to food and water. Maybe.
It's not even anger I feel. It is mind-numbing terror and horror that could swallow me up in madness if I let it. And fear. Definitely fear. And when it turns into fear, than it turns into anger. Rage actually. Because anything that can cause that much fear is just not right. It shouldn't exist. It should be eliminated. Rage is a good word. If I could get out of the mind-numbing terror.
MON 2.2.04 @ 11:03pm
Have I ever mentioned that I hate the FCC? Maybe it has something to do with the movie "Pump Up The Volume", but the idea that we "license" our airwaves, that such a thing as "pirate radio" exists, that you can't say "fuck" whenever and wherever you want, and women can't be topless in public while men can really pisses me off. Oh, do one of those things not sound like the other? Tell that to Janet Jackson.
She had a fucking pastie on! Can't everyone just shut the fuck up and grab a reality check? America is not going to Hell in a Handbasket because Janet Jackson exposed a pastie at the Superbowl.
ANYway, I never really thought of myself as a Sub Pop kinda gal, but then again I never realized how many now-mainstream stuff they put out. And they're right in my backyard, so why not.
There is an annoying-as-fuck DJ on The End (even more annoying: he calls himself DJ No Name. twat.) that I swear is either getting regular head from the band Death Cab for Cutie, or some kind of kickback from them. Maybe he just likes saying their name. I mean, that's got to be one of the best band names ever. I like saying it. But every time he brings them up (about every 10 minutes), he goes on and on about it being one of only 2 bands by some guy. Like that guy (who's name I can't remember because it's not nearly as catchy as something called "Cutie") has his dick in No Names hand at the time or something and he's trying to get him off. Seriously, this man's devotion is giving me the creeps.
ANYway, guy-who-No-Name-has-a-crush-on's OTHER band is called Postal Service. And they have a nifty song out called Some Great Heights. Which is so 80's it sounds like it should be in a Target commercial. But it's not 80's - the cd Give Up was released in 2003. How cool is that? I miss the 80's.
I wish I had another birthday coming up so someone could buy me that CD. And the new AIR, Talkie Walkie.
I like AIR. I just found my Moon Safari CD again after many moons of it being lost. Burned it to mp3 ASAP before I lost it again. I love, love, love this CD. It makes me want to have sex.
Speaking of which, I wish I could see Alan Cumming's foreskin. He's just so adorable with those cutie teenie-tiny pony-tail twists on his head. He has the oddest accent I've ever heard though. I believe he's Scottish, but never heard a Scot talk quite like him.
OK, I'm off like a dirty shirt.
MON 2.2.04 @ 5:32pm
I am a bit frustrated with myself that I'm not going to the gym today. Today was a less-stressful day at work, and therefore should make for an easier workout. However, I think the reason it was less-stressful is the same reason why I'm not going: I've been kind of oddly dizzy and had a hard time focusing on much for very long. Not to mention my stomach is extremely upset at me for some alleged wrong I committed against it. If only it would speak in English, instead of in gas and other, less-mentionable languages.
Anyway, not wanting to fall over in between the weight machines or anything scary like that, I'm opting out today. Hmph. Being stuck here this evening is not exactly groovy. I don't want to start a new book as Seduced by Moonlight is coming out tomorrow, nothing's on TV tonight, and... well, I'm just bored.
Although, I just found out today that I'm being screwed by Amazon. I got the usual "your order has shipped" today, and I was all excited that Seduced shipped today. Maybe it will arrive tomorrow! I thought to myself gleefully. Until I scrolled down and saw it was shipped out USPS, with an estimated 5-9 working days to arrive. How is this better than going to the store? Hell, at this rate, it will arrive NEXT WEEK. If I couldn't have fit in a trip to the bookstore tomorrow or later this week, I certainly could have done it this upcoming weekend. But now I'm stuck waiting until NEXT WEEK! All because I wanted to save a couple bucks on the book, not make an extra trip to the mall, and I chose "free shipping" from Amazon.
Fuckers.
I think I will update the archives for my blog. Maybe scan a few images of Kyra finally.
SUN 2.1.04 @ 10:27pm
I'm tired. Blah.
I'm drinking Stewart's Orange 'n Cream Soda. Yum.
I totally dig Nic. Gak.
I just purchased 2 tickets to the Suicide Girls Burlesque Tour. Yay!
I saw Janet Jackson's boob. Um.
I finished reading an interesting, crazy satire of a book, Jennifer Government. Good.
Watched Superbowl commercials in-between flipping book pages. Yawn.
Can't wait to see Kate Beckinsale in Van Helsing. Mmm.
It snowed a bit yesterday. Weird.
Saw neices and all the other in-laws yesterday. Nice.
The Seattle Aquarium main building is much more interactive these days. Cool.
The seals were not as showy as usual, but both the sea & river otters were very lovey with each other. Cute.
I want to go away for a vacation, preferrably Vegas. Sigh.
Seduced by Moonlight ships Tuesday. Squeal!
I swear I'm not in the 4th grade. Honest.
archived
June 2004
May 2004
April 2004
March 2004
February 2004
January 2004
December 2003
November 2003
October 2003
September 2003
August 2003
July 2003
June 2003
May 2003
April 2003
february/march 2003
2002
HTTP/1.1 404 Object Not Found
Server: Microsoft-IIS/5.0
Date: Wed, 07 Jan 2009 07:50:39 GMT
X-Powered-By: ASP.NET
Connection: close
Content-Type: text/html
Despite things not going my way yesterday, I was feeling optimistic. Not anymore. My sister-in-law is having a family crisis. It would be improper to give any details here, but the situation really affects all of us. It's a no-win situation right now, which hurts even more. Think good thoughts for her, and us.
WED 2.25.04 @ 11:04pm
Sometimes something with the power to upset me won't leave me alone. Sometimes, I'm really good at ignoring it. One thing I've been pretty good at ignoring is the fact that my brother-in-law is joining the Peace Corp later this year. He's hoping for placement somewhere in Africa. I believe the topic had come up once or twice before in my presence, but over the weekend we spent in Snohomish county, I realized it was real. He was really going to do this. I'm probably being irrational (what, Mysie, irrationally? naawww), but the idea terrifies me. He's going to Africa for 2 years. It sounds... crazy. I don't know why it scares me so much, but it does.
Maybe it's because my other brother-in-law is in Baharain as I write this. Maybe it's all the coverage over the last few years of Rwanda, civil wars, AIDS crises, Noah Wylie have guns pointed at his head on ER, blood diamonds, Nigeria boycotting polio vaccines. Just... crazy shit, and I don't want him in the middle of it.
When I was first introduced to Eric's family, Ian was in middle school. He was kind of quiet, kind of short, kind of just in the background. He's since grown taller than my husband, was shockingly (to Eric and his sister) popular in high school, and has proved to be very political. (I was going to add "highly intelligent", but I have a feeling everyone in the family knew that long before I joined them.) He's going to go to law school, and probably go into politics after that. But for now, he wants to take two years and go to a third-world country and help people out with the Peace Corp.
He probably has no idea, but I think he's amazing. I think he's making a wonderful choice. I hope he knows we're all tremendously proud of him. And yet, I find it terrifying that he's doing this.
All grown up. Wow.
TUE 2.24.04 @ 8:58pm
Today was a crankappotamous day. Crap, I can't even spell made up words. *sigh* Sorry Dana.
I was so tired when I went to bed last night, and I thought life was playing a cosmic joke when the alarm went off at 8am this morning. Had to get up and take the car in for service. Got there at 9am, and they spent just over a half hour getting me checked in and on my way. I couldn't believe it. So much for going home for a quick breakfast before going to the doctor.
On the way to the doctor, I caught a look at my reflection. Ugh. No wonder random people are always telling me to smile or cheer up or whatever. I was cranky and hungry and couldn't go the easiest way to get on the highway and traffic was ick. I looked like my puppy had just died or something.
Doctor's appt. went ok. Found out all the lab results came back normal. Had my "female" checkup. One more area of my life I thought was coming under control and it's started going haywire again. Good news a) I got a prescription for a pain reliever that may be better than the huge doses of aleve I'm currently taking, b) I may just try Depo Provera again after wussing out last time. I'll have to give it some thought.
Went home, ate, took a nap. Got woken (? grammar) up by the car people telling me my car was ready. Too bad it was a little late to go get it and return the loaner. I will never in my life own a VW Golf. All the mirrors made everything appear either closer or farther away than it was, and the windshield had a curve in it that was giving me a headache. It did have a CD player in it though. *sigh of envy*
Went to the dentist and endured the "pick of doom", ie: they attacked 3 years of plaque. I can't believe I've let that long go by without going in. I thought it was only a year. I'm *really* freaked of the dentist. And, lucky me, I have 2 more cavities to fill. *sigh of forlorn resignation* Good news: I told the dentist I didn't want to have my wisdom teeth pulled through surgery afterall because I realized I'm more afraid of going under (never had surgery before) than him poking me with needles. He told me that dental surgery wouldn't require me fully going under. He said after consulting with the surgeon, I might even be able to get away with just valium and laughing gas. Mmmm, valium.... *ahem*
Once I was home, I tried to finally schedule workmen to come out to work on the wall. They were closed. Lazy bastards going home at 4pm (joke, sheesh). Dope that I am, I forgot (? subconsciously put off ?) calling the dental surgeon. Instead, I made some dinner. BBQ steak (dry - I knew the marinade only works if you do it overnight!) and black beans and rice. Lucky me, bb&r was not spicy at all. We will probably be having that again! It was yummie.
Wow, this is the longest boring entry of all time! 'night.
MON 2.23.04 @ 10:32am
No updates because it's been a boring couple of days. I haven't heard back from the doctor yet about my blood tests. I started going back to the gym Thursday. I had put back 2 of the 3 pounds I lost.
I finally saw "Bowling for Columbine" on cable Saturday. I'm thinking maybe I'm going about this wrong. Maybe I should be all political on non-election years, and then just sit out all politics when it's do-or-die time. As usual, Michael Moore left me scared and frustrated with our government. And now that Nader's back in the race, I'm thinking of just not looking at the news again until December. I just get too emotionally involved.
I was going to shut-up, but I can't. Because Ralph Nader makes me SICK. Why can't the man wait until we have a Democrat in the White House, and then run against him when he's up for re-election? I'm sorry Ralph, but you're a fucking pompous ass. Because there are some things ENORMOUSLY more important than challenging the two party system. Most importantly, upholding Roe v. Wade. Yes, I want someone in the White House that starts taking care of domestic issues and stops bringing war to other countries. I want national, socialized health care. I want gay rights and gay marriages. I want gun control. But all of that can go hang, because Roe v. Wade is too important to fuck with.
Until the day that Republicans stop attacking abortion rights, stop trying to introduce legislation to make a fetus a person, and stop eyeing Supreme Court seats as their way to overturn what should be a basic human right, I'm going to support the Democratic candidate for President.
I think the two party system is shit. I think the way elections and fundraising for them is run is shit. I think the Electoral College is a joke.
But keeping Republicans away from the White House is a million more times important than the issues Ralph Nader is trying to bring to the forefront of these elections. The man isn't even a joke anymore. He's a fucking nightmare. We had our chance with Dean. Naderites liked Dean. And Dean just wasn't right this year. So Nader's going to take up the flag now? Once again? Despite what some of his previous supporters are saying?
It takes a pompous ass to run for President of this country. But Nader takes the cake. Someone give him an award. And then lock him in a closet with it for the next year. Please?
WED 2.18.04 @ 11:02pm
Playground Injury by Porsche Johnson, Grade 5
We got a postcard in the mail at work today from a client announcing they'd moved. The above image was on the front of the card. On the back was the name of the piece, and information about it. A 5th grade teacher took her class to see an exhibit at the Seattle Art Museum, an exhibit about the life and works of Jacob Lawrence. Then she asked her kids to portray their own "personal struggles" after reflecting on the works they saw.
I'm not sure I understand the piece. I don't understand where the injury is/has happened. Everyone looks happy, except for the tall girl on the far right. She definitely looks sad. But why?
I couldn't keep my eyes off of this image all day at work. So much of it kept me coming back to it. The idea that a 5th grader would have the sense of mind to title a work of art. The fact that the title sounds so profound. The way the image is so subtle, and keeps me scratching my head. Pondering the technique used to create the image. It seems really similar to our experiments in making ink prints with preschoolers in my college art class.
I keep looking at that girl's face. Why is she sad?
WED 2.18.04 @ 10:58am
When I overheard the tail-end of a conversation about it on the radio, I thought I was hearing things. A joke maybe? Were they just talking about Massachusetts?
Nope, they were talking about San Francisco. I'm surprised no one there had done it sooner, but as the Valentine's Day weekened quickly approached, the mayor of SF told the county clerk's office to stop discriminating when handing out marriage licenses. The first same-sex marriage was performed the morning of February 12th, and since then thousands of others have been performed. Opponents were turned away by judges on Friday, and then again yesterday were denied any real victory. One judge issued a non-binding declaration that the city is currently ignoring as it continues to wed same-sex partners, and another judge simply told them to give her until next Friday.
Exciting times. Especially after Bush gave the scariest State of the Union address I've ever heard.
Jesse Jackson is opposed to gay marriage. The man seems to think that discrimination doesn't count if your ancestors weren't slaves. Truly bizarre. Luckily, his voice wasn't the only one raised in Mass. last week, where they're still trying to do things the legal way.
Yes, it's likely all these marriages in CA will be overturned shortly, as CA officially has an anti-gay-marriage law on its books. But it's about time someone did something noble like this. And this does open up an important window: for CA to rule that law as unconstitutional. If that ever happens, there will be legal marriages in CA, and the US Constitution says something in it about a marriage in any state must be recognized by all the other states.
Hence Bush Jr. is trying to spearhead a campaign for a Constitutional amendment to change all that.
Exciting times. Scary as fuck, but exciting.
TUE 2.17.04 @ 11:38am
Wow, it's Tuesday. Crap. Here I was hoping the weekend would last forever. Damn.
I've just finished up a few cosmetic changes around the site, added a Creative Commons License, and put up all of my scanned images of Duran Duran. Thinking about that hottie Simon made me get off my ass and put some pages together to organize the scans that have been sitting around for over a year now with nothing to do.
It's kind of sad how many D2 images I've lost. There are about 100 images scanned from sheets torn from copies of Bop, 16, and Tiger Beat magazines. I had the magazine-page-tear down to a science! Unfortunately, there wasn't a great science to taping or tacking the images to my walls - some of the images have corner tape tears and/or pinholes in them. *shrug* Anyway, it's just sad, because I had probably 4 or 5 times as many images when I was 14. I must have thrown most of them out when I went to college. *sigh*
Anywho, um... Dammit, another lost weekend. I can't remember what we did this weekend after Friday night. I hate that... Saturday night we went to the mall to try to get Eric's ring resized, since he's lost so much weight.
They told us they wouldn't do it, because the ring is gold overlay, not 100% gold. Someone fucking ripped us off when they sold us that ring. I'd be more pissed if I could remember who sold us the ring. Unlike the $900 investment in the diamond wedding set for me, buying the $49 dollar ring for Eric didn't really stick in either of our minds. Neither of us can remember where or quite when we bought it.
Sunday... I know we rented some movies. We still haven't gotten to Cabin Fever. There was a stupid anime called Darkside Blues, which looked promising as it was by the makers of Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust. However, it had a pretty crap story. I'm beginning to really hate anime that picks up in the middle of a story with deep mythology, and they never really explain the mythology. That's half the fun of anime and sci fi!
Now I remember, we rented that Denzel Washington flick, Out of Time. It was alright. Not excellent, but better than I thought it was going to be. Denzel Washington is an impressive actor, but the commercials just didn't make the movie look interesting. Eva Mendes and Sanaa Lathan really made this movie so much more enjoyable. Thank god Denzel didn't have to carry it himself. He really tried though. He is just amazing to watch, even in a thriller as boring as this one.
Yesterday... What the fuck did I do yesterday? I did laundry, in fact, I'm still doing laundry. Um... I fucked around on the internet. I started the pages for the D2 scans. Um... What the hell happened to yesterday? *sigh*
I do remember that at some point of the weekend I finished yet another Nancy Kress book, Nothing Human. So much about it was definitely Nancy Kress-ish. I just wasn't as impressed with it as other books of hers.
OK, I'm going to stop trying to remember my weekend - I'm starting to hurt my head. And anyway, I suppose I should start getting ready for work. Ho-hum.
seriously, how could you possibly resist him???
SUN 2.15.04 @ 11:07pm
One of my favorite songs of all time just slipped into play on iTunes, Duran Duran's The Chauffer. Even better, it was an accoustic version from this Russian import CD I got... off Ebay? I can't recall now. Anyway, it just occurred to me, I'm never going to have sex with Simon leBon.
That's so depressing. Honestly, today there are a lot of other famous people I'd rather have sex with than Simon leBon, but he was my first serious crush. For years I walked around with this hope that he'd walk up to me in unexpected locales, so I could drop to the ground and spread my legs right there. I wanted him so bad.
One of the rare emails I get from Heather (hint, hint if you're reading this), she recently said we should have been born about 10 years earlier. We would have had such a blast if we'd been teenagers in the 80s, rather than preteens.
I told her no, everything happens for a reason, blah blah. And I believe that. Really. But damn, I really missed my chance there to fuck Simon leBon, y'know? Dammit.
SAT 2.14.04 @ 12:02pm
I wanted to say something really quickly about supporting actors. Sometimes, you see these performances that just leave you stunned, and it's the supporting actor in a scene. Someone you've never seen before, and hope you see again soon. the Law & Order shows are really good at this.
On Tuesday's Law & Order: Special Victim's Unit, a guy named Patrick Flueger put on an amazing performance as a teenage boy who just found out his dead girlfriend had actually been his sister. Sound bizarre and melodramatic? Trust me, the scene wasn't. It was heart-breaking, and Patrick Flueger made sure your heart broke right along with his. You got to see his shell-shocked face a few more times throughout the episode, and then they were kind enough to give us one last scene with him at the end, and it also really stood out. This guy is going places. He better, damn it. His performance was phenomenal.
Over at the original Law & Order on Wednesday, one of my favorite guest stars ever had her 11th appearance on the show, one Tovah Feldshuh. I love this woman to pieces. I often have father-envy after watching a movie that has a really cool, upstanding Dad in it, but this woman causes Mother-envy in me. She has a brilliant recurring role over at L&O, and I've caught her being brilliant in at least one film, Kissing Jessica Stein (a role I just realized I talked about here), and I really want to see her in more, bigger roles. This woman is as sharp as a tack, lets emotions play on her face like the pro she is, and she has one of the most gorgeous smiles I've ever seen. She's 52 years old, and I adore her. And not because she reminds me of my therapist, either.
Finally, to cap off this weeks experiences with phenomenal supporting actors, there was a whole cast of them in The Butterfly Effect. The 13 year old Tommy as played by Jesse James was monstrous. I think he might be getting pigeon-holed already: I looked up his previous gigs, and he was on an episode of Angel, I believe the one about a young boy who they think is possessed, but he's really just THAT evil. There was also the 13 year old Evan played by John Patrick Amedori, who was interesting to watch. But I really liked the 7 year old Evan the most, played by Logan Lerman. Maybe it's just me, because now that I think about it, Jesse James was probably the best actor in this film. But there's something about 7 year old Evan facing down Eric Stoltz and calling him a "Fuckball" (or was it "Fuckbag"?) that was so satisfying and right. Not until this morning did I realize how odd it was that such a young actor had pulled off that scene so dramatically. I think this kid is going places too.
SAT 2.14.04 @ 11:08am
yesterday was not such a good day. going to the doctor and having him as baffled as you are at your collection of symptoms is not a happy event. neither is having your blood drawn because they think you might have diabetes.
in hoping to cheer me up, eric let me pick last night's dinner & movie. let me tell you, going to see the butterfly effect was a horrible way to end the week i've had, and not for the reasons that anyone would expect, but for reasons i can't go into here. except to say that sometimes, there should be warnings for certain movies.
the movie actually got better as it went along. i had really low hopes after the first few minutes. something about the quality of acting and the pacing, it just seemed like they were jamming everything in, not giving enough thought to anything. but once the film slowed down to allow Ashton Kutcher to relive all the crap his character had just gone through in the previous half hour or so, the film got better. not spectacular, but better.
fyi, there is an amusingly satirical thread about this movie at imdb, starting off with the following statement: "This movie should be banned because it does not properly represent minorities. It also creates many untrue stereotypes of white people, such as they can travel through time."
THU 2.12.04 @ 11:01pm
here we go again. yet another set of doctors thinks i may have diabetes. i have an appointment at 11:30am tomorrow. having my blood drawn is my most favoritist thing in the world. not.
WED 2.10.04 @ 11:25pm
found an old friend at a new home tonight. her blog makes me envious. i've looked into moveable type and others, and it all seemed way over my head, especially since i'm not in control of my own hosting. it seems my friend has found a way around this through a service.
is a service right for me? i don't think so. i like my domain. i like that i can change it up at any moment. not that i do... i've migrated to this layout that looks so similar to the mainstream blog style, and maybe i'm complacent, but i like it. and the site's finally in a place where it's easy to change on a whim.
so although there are cool features out there i lust over, mysie.com is doing just fine.
changing the subject, maybe i need to give the news a break. i take things so personally. unfortunately, as it's an election year, it's not a good time to give real life a break and hibernate on current events.
what now? apparently Texas is so distraught at having its sodomy laws ruled unconstitutional, they've decided to pick on married school teachers who have the audacity to show a friend how to use a vibrator. or maybe some DA down there wants their numbskull indecency laws ruled unconstitutional as well, and decided to charge a saint with this farce of a law to expedite the process. who knows. see if you can figure it out.
Texans and Frenchies, what will they think of next?
Weird, that just reminded me. About 5 years ago, I was subscribed to an email news service, and AT LEAST once a month I'd get a tidbit about some crazy new law the Taliban had created in Afghanistan. I would forward these things to my friends with titles like, "those wacky Afghans again." And now look at Afghanistan.
Should we declare war on Texas and France now? If only...
I'm telling you, this world would be a much nicer place if ruled by a dictator. Dictator Mysie. Maybe I'll start collecting money for my campaign...
WED 2.10.04 @ 9:55am
Don't even get me started on France and their treatment of their Muslim population. I keep reminding myself that France isn't America, there is no Constitutional right to freedom of religion. But why the hell not? This "no religious symbols" in public schools is terrifying. And the fact that the lawmakers publicly say it's to target Muslims, but to make it "fair" they're including Jews and Christians, just makes me want to wretch. On their expensive shoes, preferrably.
WED 2.10.04 @ 9:52am
We went to our caucus last Saturday and I voted for Dean. Eric was going to vote for Kerry, but when it looked like Edwards wasn't going to get enough votes to get a delegate, he changed his vote.
It looks like Kerry has things all wrapped up now to get the Democratic nomination. I'm ok with that for the most part. I hate the 2 party system. I hate the caucus system because it supports a 2 party system. But as long as the 2 party system is so entrenched, I will continue to vote Democrat, because the ramifications of a Republican president are far scarier than those of continuing a 2 party system.
MSN had a story this morning about Bush being in support of a Constitutional amendment banning gay marriage. Or rather, defining a marriage as solely between a man and a woman. It seems that some Republican has opened up legislation to begin this process.
I hate election years. I hate the years that Republicans sit in office, but the years where we're *this* close to unseating them are scarier. Because I allow myself to get my hopes up. I spent so much time close to tears in the days leading up to the 1992 election, my first time in participating in a Presidential election.
1996 I was more confident of Clinton's ability to keep his seat. In 2000, I was nervous again, but thought for sure Gore was going to win. And I spent a lot of time being angry with the Naderites, to spend too much energy worried about Bush actually winning.
And here we are, 4 years later. Why they thought 4 years with Bush was worth trying to open up the 2 party system is beyond me.
And here we are, ready to do it all again. Presidential Elections and the flu have the tendency to turn me into a praying person. Come pray with me. Bush has got to go. He's turned out to be as terrifying as his father.
TUE 2.10.04 @ 11:19pm
It's been a rough couple of days, but I think I'm coming out the other side.
Looks like I'm going to be staying at Westwind for a while. My hours are changing, and that is a definite plus. My boss and I see eye to eye, we just seem to have trouble realizing that sometimes. Here's to hoping things start working a little more smoothly from now on.
This nasty virus/flu/plague has done a number on me. I have had so many symptoms these past few days, I'm not sure which way is up. I'm still doing the dizzy thing. I am having gut-wrenching menstrual cramps, which were accompanied earlier this weekend by severe nausea. I seem to have the flu and/or the plague: constant runny nose, so much sneezing I got a bloody nose, and some coughing to boot. And as if that wasn't enough, I seem to have a migraine right now. I am very wary of taking any more drugs though, as there are so many in my system for the cramps.
Was Friday just the onset of this Flu? I don't know. I hope so, but something tells me it's not. Something tells me it's related to the dizziness. I have 2 leading suspects there: an inner-ear problem (I think I have tinitus ?sp), or a low blood-sugar problem. Quite possibly both. They tested me for diabetes about 2-3 years ago, and nothing came of it, but none of my symptoms were ever explained or dealt with.
I am now ready to take my vengeance out on Virginia Mason for the crap way Group Health treated me. That is not good, but this dizzy thing is freaking me out.
I have not worked out since... last Thursday, and I've been feeding my sore body whatever it likes to make it feel better. Once again reverting to the old habit of believing that eating healthy is a punishment, and why punish an already aching body?
Tomorrow is another day. I'm going to bed.
SUN 2.8.04 @ 11:46pm
I'm really sick. I've spent too much time this weekend debating the choices of throwing up or just killing myself. Trying to sleep through it, apparently, has not been one of the options.
The flu?
Who knows. I wish I believed in a god that I could pray and make sacrifices to. I think I'd be willing to slaughter small animals on an alter to get rid of this.
Big Fish is a good movie. So is My House in Umbria. Here's to hoping the Gods of Sleep are kinder to me tonight.
FRI 2.6.04 @ 7:57pm
Today is the day of 5000 posts.
I forgot to mention that Amazon tricked me - my books arrived Tuesday! I read SBM every chance I had for 2 straight days and finished last night. It was an exciting book, but too short. It ends in the middle of a lot of action. Not necessarily a cliff-hanger, but definitely in mid-motion.
I have no idea if anyone who stops by here reads the Merry Gentry series, so I will only say this: one of the important things I've been anticipating since the end of the last book actually did happen, and almost everything else happened in ways I didn't expect. I'm still keeping to my theory that the books will not end with Merry pregnant, but instead once she is Queen of both courts.
I am very satisfied, and glad LKH isn't getting predictable. It is kind of weird how she can do non-stop action, and drag a scene on for chapters and chapters. Drag on is not quite the word though. It's just that at the end of a long scene, I'm hoping for reprieve for the characters to get some rest, and then the next chapter starts and you see it just starts up where the last chapter ended. No, "and the next day we woke up all nicely refreshed." Nope, just shit after shit after shit hitting the proverbial fan. It just astounds me that everything in this book takes place in little more than 24 hours, and so much happens.
Frustrated as all hell that it will be another 1.5 years until we get to see what happens next. Argh!
FRI 2.6.04 @ 5:43pm
Maybe I just needed to eat more? Eric came home with food at about 4:30, and by 5pm I was much improved. It's now about an hour after I ate, and I'm 99% better. Wow. Maybe I'm cutting too much sugar out of my diet? Maybe I had a bad reaction to my migraine cocktail this morning? Maybe this is just a different type of migraine?
I tell you, I never want to live through another day like this again. I was very scary. I really want to talk to the doctors about how bizarre this week has been for me, but I'm afraid Virginia Mason will be just like Group Health: clueless, and raising more questions than granting answers.
FRI 2.6.04 @ 4:15pm
So I was still feeling weird as I wrote that last entry. I decided to extend my lunch and go sit in my car to get a little rest. I lost a little time in the car. 5-10 minutes. I came back in and felt not better. I had Coral drive me home. I laid in bed and felt like that time I took some cold medicine that knocked me out, but not to sleep. My body felt so heavy and tired and sore, like even if I wanted to I couldn't move. So I laid in bed like this for... until 3:30 or so. I've been up for almost an hour and feel exactly the same as when I left work. I don't know what's wrong with me. Am I sick? My muscles "almost" hurt. Is that what the ache of a flu feels like? I don't have a fever. I couldn't sleep in the bed because my mind was racing. I... I just don't know what's wrong. I'm not exactly dizzy, not exactly light headed, but I'm not exactly good on my feet right now either.
WTF?
FRI 2.6.04 @ 1:28pm
You want to know what Serendipity is? I've been wondering how on earth to alter my own photos to get Sepia tones for... well, years now. Two nights ago lying in bed, it occurred to me that Google was a beautiful thing, lots of pages had tutorials, and I could be myself money there were Photoshop tutorials on Sepia toning out there. I went to work yesterday, and there was an email from Apple in my inbox, part of it about iPhoto 4 and how easy it is to make Sepia tones. I clicked on the link, and it sounded blissfully easy. Problem is, iPhoto 4 is only available from iLife '04, a pay package. :(
So on my lunch break I googled for tutorials. And found photoshop101. Can I just say, this is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen? OK, maybe not, but it sure is cool. This place has links to all sorts of FREE tutorials all over the web, organized by type. Not only do I know how to make Sepia tones, but also monochrome ones, and make gridlines. I'm also fairly confident I can now turn my images into black & white and then re-color them by hand, to have that cool effect of a b&w image with only someone's lips red, or perhaps a wedding bouquet or some such. No longer do I think that 14 year olds out there are out-doing me on web design because they were born with the coveted Graphic Design Gene.
Next step, to take over the world.
Pinky, but that down.
FRI 2.6.04 @ 1:08pm
Wow. That one really scared me. I'm still recovering. I was typing away about my gym experiences yesterday, and my fingers got all cold, and I started to sweat and shake. I immediately grabbed some candy and a can of coke and put my lunch in the microwave. That one was a little too close for comfort. I think I was starting to get tunnel-vision there for a moment.
I really wish someone could explain all the weird things that go on with my body. I mean, if it's so easy for my blood sugar to drop so low, why has it always been so hard for me to lose weight?
I don't even want to discuss how dizzy I've been this week. I have a doctor's appointment in two weeks. Maybe this doctor can finally help me with these mysteries, instead of adding new ones to my list.
FRI 2.6.04 @ 12:24pm
I am now at 198.5 lbs. I think the diet + workout is working, especially since I missed Monday and Tuesday's workout and I still weighed less on Wednesday than I did last Friday. 2.5 days of eating what I wanted, 4 days of no workouts, and I still lost weight.
My workouts this week have gone up a notch, and I'm feeling even better about them. I think I'm hitting an endorphin high or something, because I spend all day thinking about going to the gym instead of going home. I'm cycling harder, and it's easier to do. Somehow the bikes think I'm burning even less calories though. This makes no sense. And there's no way to enter my weight. I think I'm going to ignore the calorie counter. Yesterday I biked almost 4 miles in 10 minutes. Somehow, I don't think that only burned 37 calories.
Even more exciting, my knees are not hurting when I climb the stairs at home. I'm hoping this means that my knees aren't completely destroyed, and eventually I will be able to walk and run and do stairs without pain. I always did like running. Maybe eventually I will be able to do that instead of use the bikes. I've never been a big fan of jogging, so maybe not, but we'll see. There's a difference between sprinting for a minute or so, and finding a jogging rhythm for distance.
I thought about joining the track team when I was in the 7th grade, but the idea that distance running was also required, and not just sprinting, kept me from even looking into it. I wonder how different things would have been if I'd even tried?
Despite two really good workouts this week, yesterday was not my favorite day at the gym. First, I got my first lear. And not the sexist, yet somehow flattering kind either. How fucking childish. I think it's because I had just stretched a moment before and displayed my unshaved pits to the world. Like I feel some burning need to conform to some idiot at the gym's idea of beauty and shave my pits so he can grin in lust instead of curl his lip in disgust. How disgustingly male.
Then there was the guy at the leg press. Wait, I misspoke. The guy who abandoned the leg press with 5 x 45lb weights on each side. I was frustratingly in the middle of removing them when some guy walks up to me and says he had one last set to do, and would I mind?
Um, where the fuck did he come from? He was certainly nowhere near the machine when he approached, or even in that section. And why did he wait until I was half done removing all the weights myself before showing up and claiming the machine as his own? What the hell?
And then there was the trainer who was walking by who meant well when he started joking with me that I looked angry. And when someone jokes with me, I smile. And it was a little amusing. But truth was, I was tired, and lifting is hard work, and I was resting between sets. And I've always had a down-turned mouth. So where does he come off telling me I look angry and jokingly saying maybe I should try another machine instead? Especially the 2nd time he came around to a different machine I had moved to in my workout.
People who remark to strangers that they should smile just don't get it. They should mind their own business.
FRI 2.6.04 around 11am
It is so horrifying to hear about rapes. First I get the CNN Breaking news that the 11 year old girl that went missing 2 days ago has been found dead, even though they had video of who took her. And not an hour later CNN emails me that Rumsfield is calling for a review of sexual assaults against US servicewomen in Iraq and Kuwait by their fellow servicemen.
Sometimes, I just don't know how to contain my horror. And sometimes it's not just the act itself, but the dumbfoundedness that people still rape. It happens just too much for it to be just mental illness. Or are so many of the men on earth that mentally ill? Or is it really just in the male genes to rape when the opportunity arises? I heard a statistic somewhere that I just don't want to believe: that the percentage of men who would rape if they could get away with it was somewhere between 25-50%. I don't remember the exact number, just that it wasn't 50%, but it wasn't less than 25%, and I do remember being close to losing it at how high it was.
I just don't understand. I don't understand how a human being can rape another human being. In the "Expendable" series by James Alan Gardner, committing murder gets you labeled "non-sentient". I think that rape should qualify. And we should treat non-sentients as less-than-human. They should be herded up as animals, with no rights except to food and water. Maybe.
It's not even anger I feel. It is mind-numbing terror and horror that could swallow me up in madness if I let it. And fear. Definitely fear. And when it turns into fear, than it turns into anger. Rage actually. Because anything that can cause that much fear is just not right. It shouldn't exist. It should be eliminated. Rage is a good word. If I could get out of the mind-numbing terror.
MON 2.2.04 @ 11:03pm
Have I ever mentioned that I hate the FCC? Maybe it has something to do with the movie "Pump Up The Volume", but the idea that we "license" our airwaves, that such a thing as "pirate radio" exists, that you can't say "fuck" whenever and wherever you want, and women can't be topless in public while men can really pisses me off. Oh, do one of those things not sound like the other? Tell that to Janet Jackson.
She had a fucking pastie on! Can't everyone just shut the fuck up and grab a reality check? America is not going to Hell in a Handbasket because Janet Jackson exposed a pastie at the Superbowl.
ANYway, I never really thought of myself as a Sub Pop kinda gal, but then again I never realized how many now-mainstream stuff they put out. And they're right in my backyard, so why not.
There is an annoying-as-fuck DJ on The End (even more annoying: he calls himself DJ No Name. twat.) that I swear is either getting regular head from the band Death Cab for Cutie, or some kind of kickback from them. Maybe he just likes saying their name. I mean, that's got to be one of the best band names ever. I like saying it. But every time he brings them up (about every 10 minutes), he goes on and on about it being one of only 2 bands by some guy. Like that guy (who's name I can't remember because it's not nearly as catchy as something called "Cutie") has his dick in No Names hand at the time or something and he's trying to get him off. Seriously, this man's devotion is giving me the creeps.
ANYway, guy-who-No-Name-has-a-crush-on's OTHER band is called Postal Service. And they have a nifty song out called Some Great Heights. Which is so 80's it sounds like it should be in a Target commercial. But it's not 80's - the cd Give Up was released in 2003. How cool is that? I miss the 80's.
I wish I had another birthday coming up so someone could buy me that CD. And the new AIR, Talkie Walkie.
I like AIR. I just found my Moon Safari CD again after many moons of it being lost. Burned it to mp3 ASAP before I lost it again. I love, love, love this CD. It makes me want to have sex.
Speaking of which, I wish I could see Alan Cumming's foreskin. He's just so adorable with those cutie teenie-tiny pony-tail twists on his head. He has the oddest accent I've ever heard though. I believe he's Scottish, but never heard a Scot talk quite like him.
OK, I'm off like a dirty shirt.
MON 2.2.04 @ 5:32pm
I am a bit frustrated with myself that I'm not going to the gym today. Today was a less-stressful day at work, and therefore should make for an easier workout. However, I think the reason it was less-stressful is the same reason why I'm not going: I've been kind of oddly dizzy and had a hard time focusing on much for very long. Not to mention my stomach is extremely upset at me for some alleged wrong I committed against it. If only it would speak in English, instead of in gas and other, less-mentionable languages.
Anyway, not wanting to fall over in between the weight machines or anything scary like that, I'm opting out today. Hmph. Being stuck here this evening is not exactly groovy. I don't want to start a new book as Seduced by Moonlight is coming out tomorrow, nothing's on TV tonight, and... well, I'm just bored.
Although, I just found out today that I'm being screwed by Amazon. I got the usual "your order has shipped" today, and I was all excited that Seduced shipped today. Maybe it will arrive tomorrow! I thought to myself gleefully. Until I scrolled down and saw it was shipped out USPS, with an estimated 5-9 working days to arrive. How is this better than going to the store? Hell, at this rate, it will arrive NEXT WEEK. If I couldn't have fit in a trip to the bookstore tomorrow or later this week, I certainly could have done it this upcoming weekend. But now I'm stuck waiting until NEXT WEEK! All because I wanted to save a couple bucks on the book, not make an extra trip to the mall, and I chose "free shipping" from Amazon.
Fuckers.
I think I will update the archives for my blog. Maybe scan a few images of Kyra finally.
SUN 2.1.04 @ 10:27pm
I'm tired. Blah.
I'm drinking Stewart's Orange 'n Cream Soda. Yum.
I totally dig Nic. Gak.
I just purchased 2 tickets to the Suicide Girls Burlesque Tour. Yay!
I saw Janet Jackson's boob. Um.
I finished reading an interesting, crazy satire of a book, Jennifer Government. Good.
Watched Superbowl commercials in-between flipping book pages. Yawn.
Can't wait to see Kate Beckinsale in Van Helsing. Mmm.
It snowed a bit yesterday. Weird.
Saw neices and all the other in-laws yesterday. Nice.
The Seattle Aquarium main building is much more interactive these days. Cool.
The seals were not as showy as usual, but both the sea & river otters were very lovey with each other. Cute.
I want to go away for a vacation, preferrably Vegas. Sigh.
Seduced by Moonlight ships Tuesday. Squeal!
I swear I'm not in the 4th grade. Honest.
June 2004
May 2004
April 2004
March 2004
February 2004
January 2004
December 2003
November 2003
October 2003
September 2003
August 2003
July 2003
June 2003
May 2003
April 2003
february/march 2003
2002