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SAT 6.28.03 @ 3:16pm
I probably won't get a chance to update again before we leave, so for all of your who are curious: I AM OUT OF TOWN UNTIL SUNDAY JULY 6TH.
"Repent now. The end is extremely fucking nigh."
We went to see "28 Days Later" last night. It was really, really good. Dare I say brilliant? I'm not sure, but I think it could definitely use a 2nd watching. I was hoping to start reviewing movies again for the site with this movie, but I have such little time as I'm supposed to be getting ready for Jenni's party.
I will say it pretty much kicked ass. It was creepy, tense, and smart. For once, the zombies can RUN instead of just shuffle around. I hope you all go see it.
Kitty took to the "cattery" quite well. Eric believes it's because he was just relieved he wasn't at the vet. Little does Kitty know he will be there for 9 days. Poor Kitty. Actually, when we go on vacations, I'm always afraid he's thinking we'll never come back. He certainly is upset enough when we do come home after even just a night. But this is his first time being boarded, so I hope he doesn't take it badly.
Well, nothing much else to report. Just finishing up packing and getting excited. Fireflies, here I come.
THU 6.26.03 @ 7:54pm
Because I have laundry to do and I'm just so fond of procrastinating...
Daily Double for Thursday June 26, 2003
1. If you could choose one thing that wasn't invented, what would it be and why?
I'm going to go out on a limb here and assume that this is asking us what do we wish was invented already that hasn't been yet. That assumption made, my husband and I have a running not-so-much-a-joke that we really need to get crackin' to invent transporters, ala Star Trek. Because walking sucks. Paying hundreds or thousands of dollars for travel sucks. Long commutes suck. And lets not forget pollution!
However, while I personally would prefer the transporter, I think that Star Trek's replicators would be the more important item, because then everyone could eat. I think that's more important than shaving a few minutes off my commute. And in Star Trek land, they also replicate parts, etc, to make things. So not just food, but important items like clothing and dishes and cars and houses could be made more easily and cheaply. That would be a good thing, right? Still, that transporter sounds *awfully* tempting. And really, isn't the world hunger thing a matter of logistics? We have a lot, and they only have a little? Transporters could help that, right?
2. What is your biggest pet peeve?
The thing is, I'm sure everyone is just like me, and has a thousand different things that irk them. I hate it when my husband uses *my* towel after his shower. I hate people who don't leave their phone numbers on your voice mail, assuming you have it already. I hate anyone behind the wheel of a car who isn't me. I hate the sound my cat makes when he thinks it's bedtime and we don't. Take your pick, I can't decide.
THU 6.26.03 @ 8:54am
I am a happy girl. Not only was Texas' sodomy law struck down, and thus probably nullifying other states' sodomy laws, but no Justices announced plans to retire. So gay rights got a big win, and women's rights can take one tiny easy breath, until the next battle. Although, it's only "tradition" that SCJ's announce their retirement on the last day of the term, so an announcement can still happen. But it probably won't happen today, so that's one day of rest for women everywhere.
WED 6.25.03 @ 9:03pm
Oh! I almost forgot! I put up a 2nd batch of "Oriental Designs" on my backgrounds page, an example of which is currently being featured to my left. I'm currently working through my second clip-art book, Victorian Designs. Unfortunately, there are less usuable items in this book than the other. A few weeks ago I sat down at Barnes & Noble in front of the whole section where they had what had to be almost every Dover clip art CD-Rom and Book in print, just thumbing through, trying to decide which one to buy next. Unfortunately, many of the items there (and on my wishlist) don't look like they offer many items that are easily modifyable into background patterns. :( Poo! Oh well, I guess I'll have to find something else to do to entertain myself when I'm finished with the Victorian book.
WED 6.25.03 @ 8:41pm
Everyone gathered in Port Orchard yesterday morning (soooo early) to attend Eric's Dad's Rotary meeting. He presented Ian, Heidi, and Eric each with an award for donating $1,000 in their name to a fund that goes to promoting humanitarian-type things. I can't remember the details now, but it seemed quite spiffy at the time. They each got a framed certificate and medal.
Then most of us went to Wild Waves. Actually, it was just me and Steph & Ash for a few hours after Eric came and went to get his Season Pass activated. Heidi went to drop Tiffany at the kennel, then came and met up with us. I think I need to invest in or at least reserach the Bullfrog brand sunblocks, because I don't remember ever putting on so much sunblock in my life (three applications), and I still got quite burned. I don't think it's quite as serious as some of my others, or at least it didn't seem that way last night. Usually, my sunburns do this spiffy trick where they don't really show their true colors until an hour or so after I get home. Last night, it seemed kinda bad and kinda sore, but not THAT bad. I woke up this morning and during the night it got sooo much redder. Driving too and from work, the sun shining through the side window onto my COVERED arm was agony. Argh.
Oddest thing of all is that my forearms are kinda burned, but I could swear last night that they weren't burned, even though they *felt* burned. How very strange.
Other than the burnage, there's not much to report. Wild Waves was fun, not as horribly crowded as last year when we took the girls, but some of the things we wanted to do were a little more crowded than we would have liked.
Saturday is Jenni's law school graduation party. I've never actually *been* in a "bouncy castle", so we'll see about that. Cotton candy machine is A-OK in my book though! Plus, I've been having this weird craving for hot dogs, and there's said to be grilling type stuff there, so maybe I can get my weinerschnitzel on.
LOL. A few weekends ago SNL reruns on the Comedy Channel had an Alec Baldwin episode, and he took part in the radio cooking show and was some guy with the last name of "Schwetty" whose trademark was his "weiner". Holy fuck, that was a HILLARY-ass skit. My husband and I were having fits. Me more so. Tears in my eyes funny. And there wasn't even a Canteen Boy in sight!
So, Sunday is the big lift-off. Today I found a place to board Kitty. He is going to be so freaked, I just know it. Hopefully he'll still speak to us when we come to retrieve him. But the place seems pretty spiffy, especially for being in someone's converted garage. The cages are a bit bigger than some of the other places I was considering. She lets them out of their cages twice a day in 2 different rooms. Very important for a cat who's just gotten used to this big house. And it's half the price of the place offering cat townhomes that was all booked up because of the 4th of July weekend. If this works out, we'll be boarding our cat there whenever we leave town in the future, which will be such a weight off of my mind, esp. since she's SOOOO close. Not even a mile away. Excellent.
So, I haven't actually mentioned where we're going. We're flying to Chicago, and driving up to Richland Center, WI to visit Eric's Dad's mother and other relatives. I can't wait to see the rabbits and fireflies in Uncle Richard's backyard again. That was so awesome last time we were there - my first firefly experience, I believe. I was having a discussion with a coworker today about night time in the summer being the only good thing about summer heat, and how cool fireflies are, and how sucky it is that they're not here in Washington. Blargh.
After an few days, the number of which I can't remember, we will get up EARLY one morning and drive to outside Chicago to visit Six Flags. My first Six Flags visit ever, because Wild Waves doesn't count, only being bought out by them a year or so ago. I was going to keep it a secret, but I am trying to work up the courage to go on my first roller coaster that goes upside down. I'm not sure. It depends if they have a tame roller coaster with only 1 or 2 spins. We'll have to see. Looking forward to the Warner Brothers theme and buyable stuff (duh, it's me on vacation - I can't go anywhere without buying touristy trinkets!!!). It really sucked when the WB store in Seattle closed.
That evening we drive from Six Flags out to the Diller's hometown in Chatsworth, IL. Not sure how many days we'll be there, but not so many, because on the 4th we drive to Springfield, IL.
Springfield: birthplace of Lincoln and now home to oodles of water parks. This could only be possible in America where we honor dead presidents and fallen war heroes by putting everything on sale. Yee-haw!
I had a nice time when we saw Mark Twain's hometown, and there wasn't a water park in sight, so I'm hoping there are all sorts of touristy and historical things to do in Springfield other than just go swimming. Swimming is great, but history and architecture are better. However, air conditioning will win out every time, so we'll have to see how that goes.
Summer in the midwest. Yikes! Yep, I'm gonna need to look into some Bullfrog. Why on earth wasn't I born with red hair??? Stephanie has skin just like mine, so fair and burnable with lots of freckles, and yet she has lovely red hair and I've got my mousey brown that kinda highlights in summer, so I just dye it red. *sigh* Of course, she hates her red hair, but teens are like that...
FRI 6.20.03 @ 9:32am
Isn't Bettina lovely? I think she's so dreamy. See why I love Suicidegirls.com???
Once again, I'm failing in the imagination department. Heidi got off of work early and came over here and all of us chatted for about an hour or two. The house was so quiet when she took the girls home around 9:30pm. Instead of doing anything together, Eric went to watch TV, and I fed the hamster then went to use my computer. Aren't we romantic?
Once upstairs, I spent way too much time trying to figure out why I wasn't able to access my mp3 player to put different songs on it. Something about the initial attempt and using the internet at the same time decided to crash all my programs one by one, so that even Force Quit wasn't doing anything. Around 10:20 I gave up and force-restarted my computer. It wasn't until this morning that I finally tracked down the drivers for the thing, and then I spent about another 20 minutes uploading them to various folders, before reading the instructions WORD FOR WORD and realizing they didn't go in the iTunes for OS9 Folder, or even the iTunes for OSX folder. Nope, they went into some Plug-Ins folder somewhere else on my computer.
*rolls eyes at self for not taking own advice to read instructions before plowing ahead without thinking*
Good thing I woke up early, because after all that I had to then actually copy all the songs over! I swear, I must have spent about 2 hours between last night and this morning trying to just refresh my mp3 player with 30 new songs!!! ARGH!
OK, here is something you might find slightly more interesting than my ramblings.
Friday Five for Jun 20, 2003
1. Is your hair naturally curly, wavy, or straight? Long or short?
Naturally, my hair is somewhere between wavy and curly - but it's so thick, it takes some work to make it do anything satisfactory. It's currently almost to my shoulders, and I'm trying to grow it out once again after many years of experimenting with shortish hair.
2. How has your hair changed over your lifetime?
Well, I was born blonde, and my hair quickly darkened so that by the time my Kindergarten photos were taken, I was a medium brown with many highlights. Many pictures of me taken in Hawaii, I have lightened hair, with reddish or blonde tints. I've been dying it off and on since high school though, most recently experimenting with auburns and reds.
3. How do your normally wear your hair?
Two important things are: out of my face and off the back of my neck. I get hot easily, and the first thing I do is take my hair off the back of my neck. It's the main reason I've cut my hair short so many times. For many years now I've contemplating shaving the under layers of my hair at the back of my neck/behind my ears, while leaving the top long. You know, so no one can even tell that hair's gone until I put it in a ponytail. However, my husband isn't too keen on the idea, and I haven't found a place I trust to do it. *sigh*
4. If you could change your hair this minute, what would it look like?
Perfect ringlets or curls that don't need coaxing to curl, and a perfect burgundy that never fades or needs to be re-dyed.
5. Ever had a hair disaster? What happened?
When I was... I think it was the 5th grade, I wasn't a very happy girl. I was living with my father and brother and didn't know where my mother was. I didn't groom myself very much. One day my grandmother set me down to finally comb out the "rats nest" in my hair, and she couldn't. She took me to a friend who cut hair and chopped off most of it. It was like a boys cut, and not at all stylish like some "pixie" cuts can be. For years I dreaded ever taking my hair above my shoulders because of that "incident".
WED 6.18.03 ~10pm
I have nothing much to say, yet again. The girls take so much out of me. There is no time for creativity or introspection. I went to see Rosa tonight. We talked alot about the girls, actually. About how their visit is affecting us, and how it will continue to affect us for the rest of our lives: how this summer goes with them will have an immeasurable impact on our future decision to have children and when.
Then I came home and we had pork chops ala Mom. They seemed to enjoy it. Well, they didn't complain, and they ate everything. Minor accomplishments are just as important as the major ones, I think. Especially on the home front.
This week, work has been daunting, and when I'm nearly overwhelmed, I just think of those two shining faces I have to look forward to greeting me at home. It always boosts my mood. Even makes me smile. Even when I'm really tired and don't think I can find anymore energy. Because they're worth it.
Oh. Also did a career assessment today at Assessment.com. It was mostly just for entertainment value, but I got one valuable tidbit out of it: when did I forget I was interested in pursuing Social Work? Hmmm. Something to think about once summer is over and things are a little bit more back to normal and I can focus on something other than my health and feeding yungins.
Anyway, when I thought I had nothing to say, I went and did another meme. What the fuck is a meme? I need to consult my dictionary! Anyway, here it is:
Wednesday Wish for Wednesday 6.18.03
What historical event do you wish you could have been present for?
This is a good one. There are alot of things that would be interesting, but none so much as the ones important to human rights. Could you imagine shaking Nelson Mandela's hand the day he emerged from prison? Or maybe a few whispered words with Gandhi during a hunger strike? How about Lincoln when the Emancipation Proclomation was being composed? Personally, I have always held Martin Luther King, Jr. in even higher regard than those I just mentioned. It would have been incredible to have been present when he gave that speech at the March on Washington. However, I think I would have preferred just walking with him for a few moments during one of his other, less publicized marches. You know, just long enough to exchange a few words. It would be so thrilling to know you're talking with such an important man.
WED 6.18.03 @ 9:42am
I don't really have anything to say, I just screwed around with some of the links and thought I should add something here too. Um... We went to Wild Waves for 15 minutes yesterday. Yee-fucking-haw.
TUE 6.17.03 @ 8:54pm
I am exhausted. I'm not sure why, and I'm not sure what to do about it. Yesterday was a very stressful day at work, since there was so much to do from being gone Friday, plus I helped cover reception since our receptionist called in sick. I stayed almost 45 minutes later than I was supposed to, on the day I definitely wanted to get out of there on time because it was the girls' first day with us.
I got home and made tacos. They seemed to like them, but I'm not sure. I then left them watching TV and spent 10 minutes by myself reading email and exactly 2 blogs, when I realized all I really wanted to do was sleep. I forced myself to go downstairs and join the girls.
I took them to the pool to get a guide telling us what hours they're open, then we went to the petstore to look at animals in air conditioning. Then we went home and I begged Eric if he would watch them so I could go to sleep. It was 8:30. He reluctantly agreed, and I was asleep by 9, I'm sure.
And here it is the next morning, and I feel like I didn't get any sleep at all. And now I have the same tasks in front of me again, except tonight instead of cooking I'm taking the girls to Wild Waves all by myself. I was really excited by this prospect until I woke up this morning feeling like this. Crap.
Anyway, I'm not sure how often this blog will get updated while the girls around, esp. with anything interesting. So yesterday during lunch I looked for a meme to write about. Here's one of them:
Daily Zen for 6/16/03
What's the best memory you have of your Dad?
I'm pretty sure I was *quite* young. I remember him tucking me into bed, kissing me goodnight, and laying there still feeling dizzy from how much he had spun me around on a merry-go-round that day.
SUN 6.15.03 @ 10:53pm
I had a really lovely Father's Day at Eric's parents house. The girls are in town, and it's always great to see them. We had a little cook-in (they have an indoor grill), then we went to the shore to check out the low tide. Weird to see sea anemones just hanging out in the sand, not attached to rocks or nuthin'. After that, we went back to the house and worked on crossword puzzles as a group while playing 500. There's nothing like watching the Cairnses playing 500, with all the good-natured shouting that goes on. All the men in that family have humungous egos, and can't stand to be outbid for the pickup. *rolls eyes*
Anyway, not much to report at the moment. The girls have their first day over tomorrow. 2pm to midnight. I'm excited. I'm foregoing the diet to cook them food. Hopefully I won't gain any weight. Unfortunately, the only way I've successfully dieted is to eat Healthy Choice and Lean Cuisine 2 meals a day with a bowl of cereal for breakfast, and kids just don't dig Lean Cuisine. Will try to find healthier meals I can put together later in the summer when it's just Stephanie 4 days a week. As for this week, goodbye diet, hello tacos, pork chops, and teriyaki chicken.
Oh, really need to remember to check the weather report so we can plan this week's trip to Wild Waves!
Here's a Friday Five, a bit late. I never seem to remember to actually visit the Friday Five on a Friday! Oh well...
Friday Five for June 13, 2003
1. What's one thing you've always wanted to do, but never have?
Write an award-winning, or at least popular, novel.
2. When someone asks your opinion about a new haircut/outfit/etc, are you always honest?
No. Is anybody? Although, I try to be as honest as possible: ie, accentuate the positive. Trying to find something truthful to say that *sounds* positive, rather than just gushing meaninglessly. Oddly enough, we were taught to do this in Early Childhood Education instead of praising, and it works remarkably well. It's not just for getting out of someone asking what you think of their new haircut. Even if you like the haircut, isn't it better to say "it really brings out your eyes", rather than just saying, "that looks so cool."
3. Have you ever found out something about a friend and then wished you hadn't? What happened?
This brings to mind someone that I'd rather not mention in this diary. Sorry.
4. If you could live in any fictional world (from a book/movie/game/etc.) which would it be and why?
I always wanted to live in Narnia. Now that I know it's all about religion and Heaven and stuff, I'm not so sure anymore, but it seems like a cool enough place. I mean, the animals *talk*!
5. What's one talent/skill you don't have but always wanted?
I always wanted to sing. I would love to be a singer of even slight talent. Of course, I would love to be so talented that I could become famous, since I always wanted to be a rock star. But even if it was just enough so that I could sing local gigs for free, or even just feel confident enough to sing to children without fearing hurting their poor little ears, I would be happy. The only time I sing is when it's a very big, very loud chorus, so noone can hear me but me. Sad, because I love to sing.
FRI 6.13.03 @ 9:32pm
I was really afraid I would never see my cat again. When I was about 16, our cat snuck out and found someone who would feed him outside, allowing him to be an outdoor cat. He refused to come home after that. It was very traumatic. So was yesterday. This morning I woke up and he was sitting on our sofa, like nothing had happened. Actually, like he had some new confidence. We've been treating him very gingerly yet affectionately all day today. We want him to be happy. We want him to want to stay with us. I'm so happy he's home. We've spent most of the day just hanging out together. Maybe I will feel more like going out tomorrow. As for now, it's movie night in the Cairns household, and I'm late for film #2.
THU 6.12.03 @ 3:35pm
Our cat is gone. He ran away yesterday evening when we weren't guarding the door. We hardly got any sleep, getting up often to check to see if he was cowering outside to let him back in. Around 5:30am we went out looking for him, and saw him 3 houses down in their backyard. He looked right at us, then slowly turned around and walked right into those bushes. I trespassed to go back there and look for him, and couldn't find him. When I came back out on the street to stand with Eric, the cat was back where he was before. Again, I moved towards him, and this time he was more sure of himself or afraid or something: this time he sprinted into those bushes. Again, going back there to look, I found nothing. Except another cat that he had probably been shagging all night long.
We haven't seen him since. We even went back and got permission around 10am to look in this old lady's back yard. We saw both of her cats, one of which is our cat's new shagging partner, but no Kitty.
I feel so guilty. Sprhrgrl recently wrote about zoos, and they've always repulsed/attracted me. I love animals, but can't bare to see them caged. We force our cat to be an indoor cat because he was starving to death on the streets when we found him 9 years ago, and he was scared to death of anything that moved. He actually refused to go outside for the longest time. Occassionally, he would go on our porch and sniff, then as soon as there was a noise, he would dart back inside. We concluded that he acted so strangely around every noise in any situation because he had been abused. We loved him despite his grating personality.
But obviously we smothered him. Obviously he prefers the freedom to sleep under some car or under some bushes eating bugs or stolen cat food for nutrition, rather than cuddling on soft beds with the adoration of his parents petting him.
I knew we should have cut his balls off. If only I'd had the nerve. Now he's probably impregnating every cat ovulating within a 10 mile radius. Go me.
WED 6.11.03 @ 9:33pm
Tomorrow is my appointment with my new doctor. I switched health plans so I could find the "right" doctor for me, someone who can look at the bigger picture, see all the things going on with me, and help me develop a plan of attack. Instead of what Group Health was doing, which was mostly just taking tests and putting me off. So now not only do I have a phobia of pain, but I don't trust doctors, and I'm very nervous about tomorrow because of it. My knees have just gone completely downhill since we bought the house, and I'm scared to death that I'll need surgery.
It is so frustrating to see everyone around me getting healther, and I just get worse. Now, I'm in too much pain to even go to the gym. I'm afraid I'll just hurt myself more. There's a commercial playing on tv lately about a woman with rheumatoid arthritis, and how at 50 she felt 70, and there's a shot of her trying to get up just one tiny stair, and she looks so stiff and afraid of that stupid stair. I know *exactly* what that feels like. I live it every day when it's time to come upstairs to use my computer or go to bed. I love this house, but I really wonder what I was thinking buying a 2-story, when I knew my knees were in bad shape.
So tomorrow we discuss sore knees, heel spurs, and migraines, and possibly new allergy meds. We'll see about that. I'm afraid she'll just tell me to go see my dentist to get my wisdom teeth pulled rather than try and give me something for my migraines. Or recommend a new allergy solution before trying migraine meds. I say fuck allergies, no matter what I take I still get migraines. And I'm so damned phobic about dentists and surgeries that I'm in a no-win situation trying to convince myself to find the courage to pick a method of wisdom-tooth removal. And in the meantime, I still have migraines. So won't she please, pretty please at least let me try something stronger than Excederin?
I am so pessimistic about things, but ever since Group Health, the thing I'm most pessimistic about is my health and how other people (don't) help me manage it.
Anyway, here is an entry I wrote from work today:
let's see if keeping track of my thoughts during the work day produces something more interesting than my last couple of entries.
i woke up this morning and my migraine was gone. i couldn't believe it. i was sure i would have to take the morning off or something, but i woke up bright-eyed & bushy-tailed. except for my mouth. i bit my lip in my sleep or something. all morning i've been finding myself playing with it with my tongue. i feel like lee from secretary or something. i wonder if that's what was going on with her tongue? maybe she bit her lip???
speaking of doing odd things in your sleep, i've been getting on my husbands nerves lately. mine too. i do weird things when i'm half asleep. like crack my knuckles. with my arms up in the air. or i make faces. the other day, i had one of those "you're walking along and then you trip and fall" things. i swear i was in an intensely deep sleep and WHAM! i "fell" out of it and back into my bed. it was more disturbing than they usually are.
then there's the laughing. lately, i laugh in my sleep. i've woken myself up doing it a few times, but usually it's just my husband that gets woken up. and neither of us have any idea what's so funny.
~ * ~
OK, I've now heard SIX Sting/Police songs in the last 2 hours: King Of Pain, Invisible Sun (LIVE), Desert Rose, Children's Crusade, Fortress Around Your Heart, Shadows in the Rain. No wonder Debbie complains when she visits my office (she hates The Police for some unexplainable reason). I think it's time to hit the re-shuffle button.
Um, looks like I've also listened to 6 Tori Amos songs: Suede, Precious Things (live), Silent All These Years, Cloud On My Tongue, Bells For Her, and Mother. I think something needs to be done about my mp3 collection at work.
Speaking of which, does anyone know how to make iTunes make a playlist of songs that aren't on your hard drive? I have an external 20gb that I moved most of my mp3's onto, and whenever I try to create a playlist in iTunes with them, it tries to copy them to my main hard drive first. Obviously, I don't have room, and it complains. What's up with that? Cute lil SoundJam doesn't do that. But OS X doesn't like to play mp3's on my external drive via SoundJam in the background when I'm on the internet. In fact, it gets quite pissy. So anyone know how to make iTunes compose a playlist of stuff without having it download the shit to my main drive???
~ * ~
The trouble with work is, it tends to cut down on your time available for thinking of witty things to say in your blog. My husband and I need to whip out Mystery Date again, it's been a few years since we watched it last. Oh, and the Animatrix. Why haven't we watched that yet??? Evil procrastinating husband...
TUE 6.10.03 @ 10:38pm
Today was not such a good day. Why is it that I never update when I have a good day? I had a brilliant weekend. I was so happy. I was in that "blissful" zone. It was wonderful. Just being with my husband made me so happy. Then today. Argh. I think it's the migraine. It seems that over the last year or so, one simple thing goes wrong, esp. if it's pain, and my entire mood changes. My day gets ruined. Yesterday, I was still very positive, very happy about everything. Today, I felt it coming when I got out of bed. I didn't want to get up. I ate and then laid back down with the cat. I almost fell asleep. But I forced myself to get up and go to work. Because you can't take the day off because you *think* you're going to have a migraine, right?
And then, surprise surprise, it came. And I didn't take my drugs. I just bore it out. I don't know why. I just couldn't overcome my aversion to the drugs today. I came home and allowed myself to nap for awhile, and then it was muchly abated, but not completely outta there. And my entire worldview had changed. Depression. This fucking sucks. I hate that I avoid pain like the plague. A person should be able to handle a little pain every now and then, right? But me, it's become such a part of my life, I've developed this phobia about it. And lately, the phobia kicks my ass almost as much as the pain. I wish I knew what my deal was.
Maybe next week in therapy we should talk about my phobias rather than my parents. *sigh* It's been like beating a dead horse anyway. I hate that phrase. Bleck. Where did it originate? From people who like to beat horses to death???? Yikes.
MON 6.9.03 @ 9:32pm
feeling tired early today. maybe it was staying up past 11:30 last night on a work night. alas, i have nothing of consequence to say. can't think of anything. can't concentrate to think of anything. fixed some junk that was bothering me with the new layout. amazed so many links can fit on this one page layout, since i have so many damned pages of content.
our neices arrive saturday, and then the summer of family begins. i'm excited. we're going to see lots of the girls this time, since john is somewhere (georgia?) training for his middle east assignment and heidi works weird hours. so we're stepping up and taking them on a few days a week. i think it will be fun, but a new, interesting, challenging experience. and after ashley's visit ends, stephanie is spending the whole summer up here, and we'll have her every week, tuesday through thursday.
in between, is the big trip to the midwest. to me, everything east of the mississipi is the east coast. but apparently places like illinois and wisconsin are the midwest. anyway, that's where i'll be for the 4th of july week, with eric's extended family. i really enjoy these trips. his family is so great.
i'm just rambling now. i'll end here. maybe i will track down the Friday Five i did last week and forgot to post? hmm...
Friday Five for Jun 06, 2003
1. How many times have you truly been in love?
I honestly believe I have loved all the men I've slept with, which is four. No, I won't elaborate here.
2. What was/is so great about the person you love(d) the most?
You're kidding, right? My husband is amazing. His greatest trait has to be that he loves me and puts up with my shit, but a very close 2nd is his sense of humor. He can always make me laugh or at least smile. I truly enjoy his company. He'll do anything for me, which makes me feel special. I trust him completely, which is important, because there aren't many people in my life that I feel I can be completely open and honest with.
3. What qualities should a significant other have?
They should have a large capacity for love and emotional attachment, and forgiveness. There's not much worse than being shut out of part of your lover's life. You should be able to trust that person, and they should be able to trust you. And they should be able to communicate their feelings for you. Why be with someone that you can't tell how they really feel about you?
4. Have you ever broken someone's heart?
Yes. I'm ashamed to admit it, but my husband has had cause to leave me in the past, and he's always stuck with me. See why I adore him?
5. If there was one thing you could teach people about love, what would it be?
I think everyone is different, and requires different things from their relationships at different times in their life. I've always just wanted to find the man I wanted to marry and have that be it. I never wanted to just date/sleep around. But there are lots of people who are exactly the opposite. I think those people should be very careful when they decide to settle down with one person. Make sure they're doing the right thing for themselves by changing their life that way. I'm saying that not everyone needs the same sort of committment that other people need, and you shouldn't just get married because society expects it. I got married because I need one person to make me happy. There are plenty of people out there who don't need that. They should be free to be themselves. Period. Be with who you want, when you want. Just as long as you're taking the other person's feelings and emotions into consideration.
MON 6.9.03 @ 9:15am
New layout. I've fixed as many things as I can before going off to work. If you run across something that doesn't work, please let me know via email or gbook, the links to which are now on EVERY page, there on the right box. Isn't *that* a refreshing concept? It is for me.
THU 6.5.03 @ 10:26pm
Say it with me boys and girls, "Migraines suck." So do tummy upsets. Fark. Never had a hang-over in my life, but god if it didn't feel like one dragging myself out of bed this morning. Not that I've had anything to drink in weeks or anything. Nope, just an evil, EVIL migraine. Wish that I *had* had some fun last night to compensate for this morning. To quote eevviillgirl, "It sure would make me feel better about waking with a hangover if I'd earned it."
It took 2 rounds of drugs, some napping, some downtime in front of the tube, a caesar salad for lunch, and a lukewarm shower before I felt human enough to head in just before 2pm. At least the day wasn't a complete loss, however, as there was much to do at work. But then the afore mentioned salad decided it wanted to negotiate the terms of our agreement, or it was leaving. *sigh* Sadly, my stomach and lower intestines were the innocent sufferers of his malicious use of unfair-play: he brought in his union rep. Evil salad.
Tonight, I have spent the entire evening working on a new layout. I'm sick of the frames. Although I adore Bettie. *sob* I will miss her. :(
Actually, this one has been as much of a chore as the last. Last time, I had to learn frames. This time, I had to decipher CSS, because my heart was just dead-set on getting little dotted lines to bracket in my ramblings. My husband thinks I'm insane, a heathen, an uneducated dolt. Coders don't use frames he often says. And now that I'm ditching the frames, all he can say is, "Why don't you just use tables?" When I told him that CSS was the only way to get cute lil dots around stuff, you should have seen the eye-rolling in this house. Apparently, html is not supposed to be cute. *sigh*
Yes, the dots are "trendy", but I've tried lines and dashes and using nothing at all, and the dots just look the best. So pllllllppppbbbbbbbbb to silly husbands who do not appreciate aesthetics.
WED 6.4.03 @ 8:08pm
Gwen recently expressed her consternation at Anime, and it got me to wondering, just why is it that I love the stuff so much? Here's some musings of mine on the topic.
Mostly, I love animation. And there's just so much more of it coming out of Japan.
Also, I'm an adult. I am intelligent. I don't need things dumbed down for me (usually *ahem*). Most of the animation coming out of Hollywood today is aimed at children. The major players like Pixar and Disney try to make it intelligent and interesting enough for adults to appreciate, but at the core, they know their market is kids. And don't even get me started on Saturday morning cartoons and Teletubbies. My husband and I frequently bemoan the fate of our cherished Saturday morning shows for the junk they seem to throw out there for today's kids. Every animated show on TV these days seems to be aimed at the intelligence level of those under 5, even the ones that seem to be geared for the grade schoolers or teens. What's up with that? Does Hollywood really think American kids are dumb???
Yes, there is some bizarre shit coming out of Japan. I've seen some of their "kids" shows, and they can be frightening. One of my favorite drawn characters is Puchiko from the show Digi Charat aimed at little girls. I've watched exactly ONE episode of the cartoon, and it was exactly as I described above: at the intelligence level of preschoolers, but with all but one of the characters being adults or teens. Weird.
But there is so much adult anime coming out of Japan, one doesn't have to get one's fix from kids shows. Most of the anime I watch is aimed at adults, and should usually be kept away from children. And if you know me at all, you know that's how I prefer my movies in general!
And yet, despite the fact that there are so many adult anime films or serial shows to chose from, most of them have mythical or science fiction themes. I *adore* science fiction, and I find mythology fascinating. adult + fantastical = mysie likie.
Then there is the mood: dark. Anime often portrays some dark future, where things aren't so great, but boy is living fun. I can only explain it by mentioning that The Matrix brought to American movie-goers what Japanese animation production houses have been giving anime lovers for decades: a dark, fast, exciting, sexual thrill. Think of it, would The Matrix really be that interesting a movie if everyone just sat around on their ass actually enjoying themselves when they're "chained" to one another living monotonous lives? Nope, they have to get out, and then fight for the audience to appreciate the story. And if you think you're getting off watching Neo & Trinity shoot up a corporate lobby, have you ever noticed the personality shifts of anyone you get to see in the matrix and then in "real life"? They're all bad-ass, confident, and loving what they do when they're jacked in fighting the good fight. Get them out, and they're insecure, scruffy, and tired.
I think that there are many of us who enjoy adversity. And watching a sexy hero shoot up badguys makes some of us hot. We've been watching anime for years to get our fix, because all Hollywood would give us is White-Bread Bruce Willis blows shit up movies, or Plain-Jane (at least as Ripley) Sigourney Weaver killing aliens. The Matrix finally took the sexy, exciting elements of anime, and turned it into a film that main-stream American actually likes.
So why aren't they flocking to video stores to rent Cowboy Bebop? I have no idea. As for me, anime is like sex. And I'm always looking out for my next hit.
TUE 6.3.03 @ 6:37pm
Lookie here, I got another site award! How cool is this???
I had a pretty dull weekend. Husband was back in town safely, so we had some yummie outings to restaurants, and caught a movie, and that was about it.
Gwen mentioned recently that she likes to do puzzles as a stress-reliever. I think I may have found my stress-reliever:
I've always loved coloring, and as an adult was quite surprised at how consumed I can get by a geometric pattern and some markers. So when I saw this book and cd rom set, I grabbed it with the intent of making some new desktop-pattern backgrounds with it. I am now completely addicted to patterns. A year or so ago I was looking into mosaics to see if I could grab any images off the web to turn into backgrounds, and I was looking at them again today. Mosaics can be gorgeous, but patterns in general are just enchanting. I have a folder of 254 tiles on my desktop that I make OS X cycle through at a rate of 1 change every 5 minutes, so I can have a new desktop pattern as often as possible without getting a headache. Some 94 of them can be found for your viewing and downloading pleasure here. I told you, I'm addicted.
As an aside, I popped over to Reverse Cowgirl a few days ago and was treated to the idea of the non-traditional Book of Days. I've seen all sorts of religious ones in the past, but she is developing her own based on some entries at sexual fetish sites. What a fucking brilliant idea! One of the entries is already up, and I've never heard of the idea of cannabalism expressed so humurously. Plus, I now know the definition of Melcryptovestimentaphilia, and I know how I'm going to die.
Finally, a few words on my age-old addiction: movies. I'm not sure I'm ever going to get around to writing up all the movies I've seen over the last week for my reviews page, mostly because I can only remember 4 of them (Juana La Loca, Possession, A Soldier's Girl, and The Italian Job), and I just got another two to watch. I have until next week Tuesday to watch and return Amy's O., and I bought the Animatrix. I also bought my own personal copy of Secretary, which was only $12.99 since it was previously viewed. Now I have to watch that within the next 30 days to make sure it isn't fucked up before my warranty period expires. No, I'm not stalking him, but he does have some great ideas sometimes. Like Pizzicato Five, which was recently on his playlist. Since I didn't know they had ever gone beyond releasing "Twiggy Twiggy", I now need to try and grab some mp3 of theirs to see if their other stuff is just as nifty.
I leave you now with this. Isn't this hot?
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I probably won't get a chance to update again before we leave, so for all of your who are curious: I AM OUT OF TOWN UNTIL SUNDAY JULY 6TH.
"Repent now. The end is extremely fucking nigh."
We went to see "28 Days Later" last night. It was really, really good. Dare I say brilliant? I'm not sure, but I think it could definitely use a 2nd watching. I was hoping to start reviewing movies again for the site with this movie, but I have such little time as I'm supposed to be getting ready for Jenni's party.
I will say it pretty much kicked ass. It was creepy, tense, and smart. For once, the zombies can RUN instead of just shuffle around. I hope you all go see it.
Kitty took to the "cattery" quite well. Eric believes it's because he was just relieved he wasn't at the vet. Little does Kitty know he will be there for 9 days. Poor Kitty. Actually, when we go on vacations, I'm always afraid he's thinking we'll never come back. He certainly is upset enough when we do come home after even just a night. But this is his first time being boarded, so I hope he doesn't take it badly.
Well, nothing much else to report. Just finishing up packing and getting excited. Fireflies, here I come.
THU 6.26.03 @ 7:54pm
Because I have laundry to do and I'm just so fond of procrastinating...
Daily Double for Thursday June 26, 2003
1. If you could choose one thing that wasn't invented, what would it be and why?
I'm going to go out on a limb here and assume that this is asking us what do we wish was invented already that hasn't been yet. That assumption made, my husband and I have a running not-so-much-a-joke that we really need to get crackin' to invent transporters, ala Star Trek. Because walking sucks. Paying hundreds or thousands of dollars for travel sucks. Long commutes suck. And lets not forget pollution!
However, while I personally would prefer the transporter, I think that Star Trek's replicators would be the more important item, because then everyone could eat. I think that's more important than shaving a few minutes off my commute. And in Star Trek land, they also replicate parts, etc, to make things. So not just food, but important items like clothing and dishes and cars and houses could be made more easily and cheaply. That would be a good thing, right? Still, that transporter sounds *awfully* tempting. And really, isn't the world hunger thing a matter of logistics? We have a lot, and they only have a little? Transporters could help that, right?
2. What is your biggest pet peeve?
The thing is, I'm sure everyone is just like me, and has a thousand different things that irk them. I hate it when my husband uses *my* towel after his shower. I hate people who don't leave their phone numbers on your voice mail, assuming you have it already. I hate anyone behind the wheel of a car who isn't me. I hate the sound my cat makes when he thinks it's bedtime and we don't. Take your pick, I can't decide.
THU 6.26.03 @ 8:54am
I am a happy girl. Not only was Texas' sodomy law struck down, and thus probably nullifying other states' sodomy laws, but no Justices announced plans to retire. So gay rights got a big win, and women's rights can take one tiny easy breath, until the next battle. Although, it's only "tradition" that SCJ's announce their retirement on the last day of the term, so an announcement can still happen. But it probably won't happen today, so that's one day of rest for women everywhere.
WED 6.25.03 @ 9:03pm
Oh! I almost forgot! I put up a 2nd batch of "Oriental Designs" on my backgrounds page, an example of which is currently being featured to my left. I'm currently working through my second clip-art book, Victorian Designs. Unfortunately, there are less usuable items in this book than the other. A few weeks ago I sat down at Barnes & Noble in front of the whole section where they had what had to be almost every Dover clip art CD-Rom and Book in print, just thumbing through, trying to decide which one to buy next. Unfortunately, many of the items there (and on my wishlist) don't look like they offer many items that are easily modifyable into background patterns. :( Poo! Oh well, I guess I'll have to find something else to do to entertain myself when I'm finished with the Victorian book.
WED 6.25.03 @ 8:41pm
Everyone gathered in Port Orchard yesterday morning (soooo early) to attend Eric's Dad's Rotary meeting. He presented Ian, Heidi, and Eric each with an award for donating $1,000 in their name to a fund that goes to promoting humanitarian-type things. I can't remember the details now, but it seemed quite spiffy at the time. They each got a framed certificate and medal.
Then most of us went to Wild Waves. Actually, it was just me and Steph & Ash for a few hours after Eric came and went to get his Season Pass activated. Heidi went to drop Tiffany at the kennel, then came and met up with us. I think I need to invest in or at least reserach the Bullfrog brand sunblocks, because I don't remember ever putting on so much sunblock in my life (three applications), and I still got quite burned. I don't think it's quite as serious as some of my others, or at least it didn't seem that way last night. Usually, my sunburns do this spiffy trick where they don't really show their true colors until an hour or so after I get home. Last night, it seemed kinda bad and kinda sore, but not THAT bad. I woke up this morning and during the night it got sooo much redder. Driving too and from work, the sun shining through the side window onto my COVERED arm was agony. Argh.
Oddest thing of all is that my forearms are kinda burned, but I could swear last night that they weren't burned, even though they *felt* burned. How very strange.
Other than the burnage, there's not much to report. Wild Waves was fun, not as horribly crowded as last year when we took the girls, but some of the things we wanted to do were a little more crowded than we would have liked.
Saturday is Jenni's law school graduation party. I've never actually *been* in a "bouncy castle", so we'll see about that. Cotton candy machine is A-OK in my book though! Plus, I've been having this weird craving for hot dogs, and there's said to be grilling type stuff there, so maybe I can get my weinerschnitzel on.
LOL. A few weekends ago SNL reruns on the Comedy Channel had an Alec Baldwin episode, and he took part in the radio cooking show and was some guy with the last name of "Schwetty" whose trademark was his "weiner". Holy fuck, that was a HILLARY-ass skit. My husband and I were having fits. Me more so. Tears in my eyes funny. And there wasn't even a Canteen Boy in sight!
So, Sunday is the big lift-off. Today I found a place to board Kitty. He is going to be so freaked, I just know it. Hopefully he'll still speak to us when we come to retrieve him. But the place seems pretty spiffy, especially for being in someone's converted garage. The cages are a bit bigger than some of the other places I was considering. She lets them out of their cages twice a day in 2 different rooms. Very important for a cat who's just gotten used to this big house. And it's half the price of the place offering cat townhomes that was all booked up because of the 4th of July weekend. If this works out, we'll be boarding our cat there whenever we leave town in the future, which will be such a weight off of my mind, esp. since she's SOOOO close. Not even a mile away. Excellent.
So, I haven't actually mentioned where we're going. We're flying to Chicago, and driving up to Richland Center, WI to visit Eric's Dad's mother and other relatives. I can't wait to see the rabbits and fireflies in Uncle Richard's backyard again. That was so awesome last time we were there - my first firefly experience, I believe. I was having a discussion with a coworker today about night time in the summer being the only good thing about summer heat, and how cool fireflies are, and how sucky it is that they're not here in Washington. Blargh.
After an few days, the number of which I can't remember, we will get up EARLY one morning and drive to outside Chicago to visit Six Flags. My first Six Flags visit ever, because Wild Waves doesn't count, only being bought out by them a year or so ago. I was going to keep it a secret, but I am trying to work up the courage to go on my first roller coaster that goes upside down. I'm not sure. It depends if they have a tame roller coaster with only 1 or 2 spins. We'll have to see. Looking forward to the Warner Brothers theme and buyable stuff (duh, it's me on vacation - I can't go anywhere without buying touristy trinkets!!!). It really sucked when the WB store in Seattle closed.
That evening we drive from Six Flags out to the Diller's hometown in Chatsworth, IL. Not sure how many days we'll be there, but not so many, because on the 4th we drive to Springfield, IL.
Springfield: birthplace of Lincoln and now home to oodles of water parks. This could only be possible in America where we honor dead presidents and fallen war heroes by putting everything on sale. Yee-haw!
I had a nice time when we saw Mark Twain's hometown, and there wasn't a water park in sight, so I'm hoping there are all sorts of touristy and historical things to do in Springfield other than just go swimming. Swimming is great, but history and architecture are better. However, air conditioning will win out every time, so we'll have to see how that goes.
Summer in the midwest. Yikes! Yep, I'm gonna need to look into some Bullfrog. Why on earth wasn't I born with red hair??? Stephanie has skin just like mine, so fair and burnable with lots of freckles, and yet she has lovely red hair and I've got my mousey brown that kinda highlights in summer, so I just dye it red. *sigh* Of course, she hates her red hair, but teens are like that...
FRI 6.20.03 @ 9:32am
Isn't Bettina lovely? I think she's so dreamy. See why I love Suicidegirls.com???
Once again, I'm failing in the imagination department. Heidi got off of work early and came over here and all of us chatted for about an hour or two. The house was so quiet when she took the girls home around 9:30pm. Instead of doing anything together, Eric went to watch TV, and I fed the hamster then went to use my computer. Aren't we romantic?
Once upstairs, I spent way too much time trying to figure out why I wasn't able to access my mp3 player to put different songs on it. Something about the initial attempt and using the internet at the same time decided to crash all my programs one by one, so that even Force Quit wasn't doing anything. Around 10:20 I gave up and force-restarted my computer. It wasn't until this morning that I finally tracked down the drivers for the thing, and then I spent about another 20 minutes uploading them to various folders, before reading the instructions WORD FOR WORD and realizing they didn't go in the iTunes for OS9 Folder, or even the iTunes for OSX folder. Nope, they went into some Plug-Ins folder somewhere else on my computer.
*rolls eyes at self for not taking own advice to read instructions before plowing ahead without thinking*
Good thing I woke up early, because after all that I had to then actually copy all the songs over! I swear, I must have spent about 2 hours between last night and this morning trying to just refresh my mp3 player with 30 new songs!!! ARGH!
OK, here is something you might find slightly more interesting than my ramblings.
Friday Five for Jun 20, 2003
1. Is your hair naturally curly, wavy, or straight? Long or short?
Naturally, my hair is somewhere between wavy and curly - but it's so thick, it takes some work to make it do anything satisfactory. It's currently almost to my shoulders, and I'm trying to grow it out once again after many years of experimenting with shortish hair.
2. How has your hair changed over your lifetime?
Well, I was born blonde, and my hair quickly darkened so that by the time my Kindergarten photos were taken, I was a medium brown with many highlights. Many pictures of me taken in Hawaii, I have lightened hair, with reddish or blonde tints. I've been dying it off and on since high school though, most recently experimenting with auburns and reds.
3. How do your normally wear your hair?
Two important things are: out of my face and off the back of my neck. I get hot easily, and the first thing I do is take my hair off the back of my neck. It's the main reason I've cut my hair short so many times. For many years now I've contemplating shaving the under layers of my hair at the back of my neck/behind my ears, while leaving the top long. You know, so no one can even tell that hair's gone until I put it in a ponytail. However, my husband isn't too keen on the idea, and I haven't found a place I trust to do it. *sigh*
4. If you could change your hair this minute, what would it look like?
Perfect ringlets or curls that don't need coaxing to curl, and a perfect burgundy that never fades or needs to be re-dyed.
5. Ever had a hair disaster? What happened?
When I was... I think it was the 5th grade, I wasn't a very happy girl. I was living with my father and brother and didn't know where my mother was. I didn't groom myself very much. One day my grandmother set me down to finally comb out the "rats nest" in my hair, and she couldn't. She took me to a friend who cut hair and chopped off most of it. It was like a boys cut, and not at all stylish like some "pixie" cuts can be. For years I dreaded ever taking my hair above my shoulders because of that "incident".
WED 6.18.03 ~10pm
I have nothing much to say, yet again. The girls take so much out of me. There is no time for creativity or introspection. I went to see Rosa tonight. We talked alot about the girls, actually. About how their visit is affecting us, and how it will continue to affect us for the rest of our lives: how this summer goes with them will have an immeasurable impact on our future decision to have children and when.
Then I came home and we had pork chops ala Mom. They seemed to enjoy it. Well, they didn't complain, and they ate everything. Minor accomplishments are just as important as the major ones, I think. Especially on the home front.
This week, work has been daunting, and when I'm nearly overwhelmed, I just think of those two shining faces I have to look forward to greeting me at home. It always boosts my mood. Even makes me smile. Even when I'm really tired and don't think I can find anymore energy. Because they're worth it.
Oh. Also did a career assessment today at Assessment.com. It was mostly just for entertainment value, but I got one valuable tidbit out of it: when did I forget I was interested in pursuing Social Work? Hmmm. Something to think about once summer is over and things are a little bit more back to normal and I can focus on something other than my health and feeding yungins.
Anyway, when I thought I had nothing to say, I went and did another meme. What the fuck is a meme? I need to consult my dictionary! Anyway, here it is:
Wednesday Wish for Wednesday 6.18.03
What historical event do you wish you could have been present for?
This is a good one. There are alot of things that would be interesting, but none so much as the ones important to human rights. Could you imagine shaking Nelson Mandela's hand the day he emerged from prison? Or maybe a few whispered words with Gandhi during a hunger strike? How about Lincoln when the Emancipation Proclomation was being composed? Personally, I have always held Martin Luther King, Jr. in even higher regard than those I just mentioned. It would have been incredible to have been present when he gave that speech at the March on Washington. However, I think I would have preferred just walking with him for a few moments during one of his other, less publicized marches. You know, just long enough to exchange a few words. It would be so thrilling to know you're talking with such an important man.
WED 6.18.03 @ 9:42am
I don't really have anything to say, I just screwed around with some of the links and thought I should add something here too. Um... We went to Wild Waves for 15 minutes yesterday. Yee-fucking-haw.
TUE 6.17.03 @ 8:54pm
I am exhausted. I'm not sure why, and I'm not sure what to do about it. Yesterday was a very stressful day at work, since there was so much to do from being gone Friday, plus I helped cover reception since our receptionist called in sick. I stayed almost 45 minutes later than I was supposed to, on the day I definitely wanted to get out of there on time because it was the girls' first day with us.
I got home and made tacos. They seemed to like them, but I'm not sure. I then left them watching TV and spent 10 minutes by myself reading email and exactly 2 blogs, when I realized all I really wanted to do was sleep. I forced myself to go downstairs and join the girls.
I took them to the pool to get a guide telling us what hours they're open, then we went to the petstore to look at animals in air conditioning. Then we went home and I begged Eric if he would watch them so I could go to sleep. It was 8:30. He reluctantly agreed, and I was asleep by 9, I'm sure.
And here it is the next morning, and I feel like I didn't get any sleep at all. And now I have the same tasks in front of me again, except tonight instead of cooking I'm taking the girls to Wild Waves all by myself. I was really excited by this prospect until I woke up this morning feeling like this. Crap.
Anyway, I'm not sure how often this blog will get updated while the girls around, esp. with anything interesting. So yesterday during lunch I looked for a meme to write about. Here's one of them:
Daily Zen for 6/16/03
What's the best memory you have of your Dad?
I'm pretty sure I was *quite* young. I remember him tucking me into bed, kissing me goodnight, and laying there still feeling dizzy from how much he had spun me around on a merry-go-round that day.
SUN 6.15.03 @ 10:53pm
I had a really lovely Father's Day at Eric's parents house. The girls are in town, and it's always great to see them. We had a little cook-in (they have an indoor grill), then we went to the shore to check out the low tide. Weird to see sea anemones just hanging out in the sand, not attached to rocks or nuthin'. After that, we went back to the house and worked on crossword puzzles as a group while playing 500. There's nothing like watching the Cairnses playing 500, with all the good-natured shouting that goes on. All the men in that family have humungous egos, and can't stand to be outbid for the pickup. *rolls eyes*
Anyway, not much to report at the moment. The girls have their first day over tomorrow. 2pm to midnight. I'm excited. I'm foregoing the diet to cook them food. Hopefully I won't gain any weight. Unfortunately, the only way I've successfully dieted is to eat Healthy Choice and Lean Cuisine 2 meals a day with a bowl of cereal for breakfast, and kids just don't dig Lean Cuisine. Will try to find healthier meals I can put together later in the summer when it's just Stephanie 4 days a week. As for this week, goodbye diet, hello tacos, pork chops, and teriyaki chicken.
Oh, really need to remember to check the weather report so we can plan this week's trip to Wild Waves!
Here's a Friday Five, a bit late. I never seem to remember to actually visit the Friday Five on a Friday! Oh well...
Friday Five for June 13, 2003
1. What's one thing you've always wanted to do, but never have?
Write an award-winning, or at least popular, novel.
2. When someone asks your opinion about a new haircut/outfit/etc, are you always honest?
No. Is anybody? Although, I try to be as honest as possible: ie, accentuate the positive. Trying to find something truthful to say that *sounds* positive, rather than just gushing meaninglessly. Oddly enough, we were taught to do this in Early Childhood Education instead of praising, and it works remarkably well. It's not just for getting out of someone asking what you think of their new haircut. Even if you like the haircut, isn't it better to say "it really brings out your eyes", rather than just saying, "that looks so cool."
3. Have you ever found out something about a friend and then wished you hadn't? What happened?
This brings to mind someone that I'd rather not mention in this diary. Sorry.
4. If you could live in any fictional world (from a book/movie/game/etc.) which would it be and why?
I always wanted to live in Narnia. Now that I know it's all about religion and Heaven and stuff, I'm not so sure anymore, but it seems like a cool enough place. I mean, the animals *talk*!
5. What's one talent/skill you don't have but always wanted?
I always wanted to sing. I would love to be a singer of even slight talent. Of course, I would love to be so talented that I could become famous, since I always wanted to be a rock star. But even if it was just enough so that I could sing local gigs for free, or even just feel confident enough to sing to children without fearing hurting their poor little ears, I would be happy. The only time I sing is when it's a very big, very loud chorus, so noone can hear me but me. Sad, because I love to sing.
FRI 6.13.03 @ 9:32pm
I was really afraid I would never see my cat again. When I was about 16, our cat snuck out and found someone who would feed him outside, allowing him to be an outdoor cat. He refused to come home after that. It was very traumatic. So was yesterday. This morning I woke up and he was sitting on our sofa, like nothing had happened. Actually, like he had some new confidence. We've been treating him very gingerly yet affectionately all day today. We want him to be happy. We want him to want to stay with us. I'm so happy he's home. We've spent most of the day just hanging out together. Maybe I will feel more like going out tomorrow. As for now, it's movie night in the Cairns household, and I'm late for film #2.
THU 6.12.03 @ 3:35pm
Our cat is gone. He ran away yesterday evening when we weren't guarding the door. We hardly got any sleep, getting up often to check to see if he was cowering outside to let him back in. Around 5:30am we went out looking for him, and saw him 3 houses down in their backyard. He looked right at us, then slowly turned around and walked right into those bushes. I trespassed to go back there and look for him, and couldn't find him. When I came back out on the street to stand with Eric, the cat was back where he was before. Again, I moved towards him, and this time he was more sure of himself or afraid or something: this time he sprinted into those bushes. Again, going back there to look, I found nothing. Except another cat that he had probably been shagging all night long.
We haven't seen him since. We even went back and got permission around 10am to look in this old lady's back yard. We saw both of her cats, one of which is our cat's new shagging partner, but no Kitty.
I feel so guilty. Sprhrgrl recently wrote about zoos, and they've always repulsed/attracted me. I love animals, but can't bare to see them caged. We force our cat to be an indoor cat because he was starving to death on the streets when we found him 9 years ago, and he was scared to death of anything that moved. He actually refused to go outside for the longest time. Occassionally, he would go on our porch and sniff, then as soon as there was a noise, he would dart back inside. We concluded that he acted so strangely around every noise in any situation because he had been abused. We loved him despite his grating personality.
But obviously we smothered him. Obviously he prefers the freedom to sleep under some car or under some bushes eating bugs or stolen cat food for nutrition, rather than cuddling on soft beds with the adoration of his parents petting him.
I knew we should have cut his balls off. If only I'd had the nerve. Now he's probably impregnating every cat ovulating within a 10 mile radius. Go me.
WED 6.11.03 @ 9:33pm
Tomorrow is my appointment with my new doctor. I switched health plans so I could find the "right" doctor for me, someone who can look at the bigger picture, see all the things going on with me, and help me develop a plan of attack. Instead of what Group Health was doing, which was mostly just taking tests and putting me off. So now not only do I have a phobia of pain, but I don't trust doctors, and I'm very nervous about tomorrow because of it. My knees have just gone completely downhill since we bought the house, and I'm scared to death that I'll need surgery.
It is so frustrating to see everyone around me getting healther, and I just get worse. Now, I'm in too much pain to even go to the gym. I'm afraid I'll just hurt myself more. There's a commercial playing on tv lately about a woman with rheumatoid arthritis, and how at 50 she felt 70, and there's a shot of her trying to get up just one tiny stair, and she looks so stiff and afraid of that stupid stair. I know *exactly* what that feels like. I live it every day when it's time to come upstairs to use my computer or go to bed. I love this house, but I really wonder what I was thinking buying a 2-story, when I knew my knees were in bad shape.
So tomorrow we discuss sore knees, heel spurs, and migraines, and possibly new allergy meds. We'll see about that. I'm afraid she'll just tell me to go see my dentist to get my wisdom teeth pulled rather than try and give me something for my migraines. Or recommend a new allergy solution before trying migraine meds. I say fuck allergies, no matter what I take I still get migraines. And I'm so damned phobic about dentists and surgeries that I'm in a no-win situation trying to convince myself to find the courage to pick a method of wisdom-tooth removal. And in the meantime, I still have migraines. So won't she please, pretty please at least let me try something stronger than Excederin?
I am so pessimistic about things, but ever since Group Health, the thing I'm most pessimistic about is my health and how other people (don't) help me manage it.
Anyway, here is an entry I wrote from work today:
let's see if keeping track of my thoughts during the work day produces something more interesting than my last couple of entries.
i woke up this morning and my migraine was gone. i couldn't believe it. i was sure i would have to take the morning off or something, but i woke up bright-eyed & bushy-tailed. except for my mouth. i bit my lip in my sleep or something. all morning i've been finding myself playing with it with my tongue. i feel like lee from secretary or something. i wonder if that's what was going on with her tongue? maybe she bit her lip???
speaking of doing odd things in your sleep, i've been getting on my husbands nerves lately. mine too. i do weird things when i'm half asleep. like crack my knuckles. with my arms up in the air. or i make faces. the other day, i had one of those "you're walking along and then you trip and fall" things. i swear i was in an intensely deep sleep and WHAM! i "fell" out of it and back into my bed. it was more disturbing than they usually are.
then there's the laughing. lately, i laugh in my sleep. i've woken myself up doing it a few times, but usually it's just my husband that gets woken up. and neither of us have any idea what's so funny.
~ * ~
OK, I've now heard SIX Sting/Police songs in the last 2 hours: King Of Pain, Invisible Sun (LIVE), Desert Rose, Children's Crusade, Fortress Around Your Heart, Shadows in the Rain. No wonder Debbie complains when she visits my office (she hates The Police for some unexplainable reason). I think it's time to hit the re-shuffle button.
Um, looks like I've also listened to 6 Tori Amos songs: Suede, Precious Things (live), Silent All These Years, Cloud On My Tongue, Bells For Her, and Mother. I think something needs to be done about my mp3 collection at work.
Speaking of which, does anyone know how to make iTunes make a playlist of songs that aren't on your hard drive? I have an external 20gb that I moved most of my mp3's onto, and whenever I try to create a playlist in iTunes with them, it tries to copy them to my main hard drive first. Obviously, I don't have room, and it complains. What's up with that? Cute lil SoundJam doesn't do that. But OS X doesn't like to play mp3's on my external drive via SoundJam in the background when I'm on the internet. In fact, it gets quite pissy. So anyone know how to make iTunes compose a playlist of stuff without having it download the shit to my main drive???
~ * ~
The trouble with work is, it tends to cut down on your time available for thinking of witty things to say in your blog. My husband and I need to whip out Mystery Date again, it's been a few years since we watched it last. Oh, and the Animatrix. Why haven't we watched that yet??? Evil procrastinating husband...
TUE 6.10.03 @ 10:38pm
Today was not such a good day. Why is it that I never update when I have a good day? I had a brilliant weekend. I was so happy. I was in that "blissful" zone. It was wonderful. Just being with my husband made me so happy. Then today. Argh. I think it's the migraine. It seems that over the last year or so, one simple thing goes wrong, esp. if it's pain, and my entire mood changes. My day gets ruined. Yesterday, I was still very positive, very happy about everything. Today, I felt it coming when I got out of bed. I didn't want to get up. I ate and then laid back down with the cat. I almost fell asleep. But I forced myself to get up and go to work. Because you can't take the day off because you *think* you're going to have a migraine, right?
And then, surprise surprise, it came. And I didn't take my drugs. I just bore it out. I don't know why. I just couldn't overcome my aversion to the drugs today. I came home and allowed myself to nap for awhile, and then it was muchly abated, but not completely outta there. And my entire worldview had changed. Depression. This fucking sucks. I hate that I avoid pain like the plague. A person should be able to handle a little pain every now and then, right? But me, it's become such a part of my life, I've developed this phobia about it. And lately, the phobia kicks my ass almost as much as the pain. I wish I knew what my deal was.
Maybe next week in therapy we should talk about my phobias rather than my parents. *sigh* It's been like beating a dead horse anyway. I hate that phrase. Bleck. Where did it originate? From people who like to beat horses to death???? Yikes.
MON 6.9.03 @ 9:32pm
feeling tired early today. maybe it was staying up past 11:30 last night on a work night. alas, i have nothing of consequence to say. can't think of anything. can't concentrate to think of anything. fixed some junk that was bothering me with the new layout. amazed so many links can fit on this one page layout, since i have so many damned pages of content.
our neices arrive saturday, and then the summer of family begins. i'm excited. we're going to see lots of the girls this time, since john is somewhere (georgia?) training for his middle east assignment and heidi works weird hours. so we're stepping up and taking them on a few days a week. i think it will be fun, but a new, interesting, challenging experience. and after ashley's visit ends, stephanie is spending the whole summer up here, and we'll have her every week, tuesday through thursday.
in between, is the big trip to the midwest. to me, everything east of the mississipi is the east coast. but apparently places like illinois and wisconsin are the midwest. anyway, that's where i'll be for the 4th of july week, with eric's extended family. i really enjoy these trips. his family is so great.
i'm just rambling now. i'll end here. maybe i will track down the Friday Five i did last week and forgot to post? hmm...
Friday Five for Jun 06, 2003
1. How many times have you truly been in love?
I honestly believe I have loved all the men I've slept with, which is four. No, I won't elaborate here.
2. What was/is so great about the person you love(d) the most?
You're kidding, right? My husband is amazing. His greatest trait has to be that he loves me and puts up with my shit, but a very close 2nd is his sense of humor. He can always make me laugh or at least smile. I truly enjoy his company. He'll do anything for me, which makes me feel special. I trust him completely, which is important, because there aren't many people in my life that I feel I can be completely open and honest with.
3. What qualities should a significant other have?
They should have a large capacity for love and emotional attachment, and forgiveness. There's not much worse than being shut out of part of your lover's life. You should be able to trust that person, and they should be able to trust you. And they should be able to communicate their feelings for you. Why be with someone that you can't tell how they really feel about you?
4. Have you ever broken someone's heart?
Yes. I'm ashamed to admit it, but my husband has had cause to leave me in the past, and he's always stuck with me. See why I adore him?
5. If there was one thing you could teach people about love, what would it be?
I think everyone is different, and requires different things from their relationships at different times in their life. I've always just wanted to find the man I wanted to marry and have that be it. I never wanted to just date/sleep around. But there are lots of people who are exactly the opposite. I think those people should be very careful when they decide to settle down with one person. Make sure they're doing the right thing for themselves by changing their life that way. I'm saying that not everyone needs the same sort of committment that other people need, and you shouldn't just get married because society expects it. I got married because I need one person to make me happy. There are plenty of people out there who don't need that. They should be free to be themselves. Period. Be with who you want, when you want. Just as long as you're taking the other person's feelings and emotions into consideration.
MON 6.9.03 @ 9:15am
New layout. I've fixed as many things as I can before going off to work. If you run across something that doesn't work, please let me know via email or gbook, the links to which are now on EVERY page, there on the right box. Isn't *that* a refreshing concept? It is for me.
THU 6.5.03 @ 10:26pm
Say it with me boys and girls, "Migraines suck." So do tummy upsets. Fark. Never had a hang-over in my life, but god if it didn't feel like one dragging myself out of bed this morning. Not that I've had anything to drink in weeks or anything. Nope, just an evil, EVIL migraine. Wish that I *had* had some fun last night to compensate for this morning. To quote eevviillgirl, "It sure would make me feel better about waking with a hangover if I'd earned it."
It took 2 rounds of drugs, some napping, some downtime in front of the tube, a caesar salad for lunch, and a lukewarm shower before I felt human enough to head in just before 2pm. At least the day wasn't a complete loss, however, as there was much to do at work. But then the afore mentioned salad decided it wanted to negotiate the terms of our agreement, or it was leaving. *sigh* Sadly, my stomach and lower intestines were the innocent sufferers of his malicious use of unfair-play: he brought in his union rep. Evil salad.
Tonight, I have spent the entire evening working on a new layout. I'm sick of the frames. Although I adore Bettie. *sob* I will miss her. :(
Actually, this one has been as much of a chore as the last. Last time, I had to learn frames. This time, I had to decipher CSS, because my heart was just dead-set on getting little dotted lines to bracket in my ramblings. My husband thinks I'm insane, a heathen, an uneducated dolt. Coders don't use frames he often says. And now that I'm ditching the frames, all he can say is, "Why don't you just use tables?" When I told him that CSS was the only way to get cute lil dots around stuff, you should have seen the eye-rolling in this house. Apparently, html is not supposed to be cute. *sigh*
Yes, the dots are "trendy", but I've tried lines and dashes and using nothing at all, and the dots just look the best. So pllllllppppbbbbbbbbb to silly husbands who do not appreciate aesthetics.
WED 6.4.03 @ 8:08pm
Gwen recently expressed her consternation at Anime, and it got me to wondering, just why is it that I love the stuff so much? Here's some musings of mine on the topic.
Mostly, I love animation. And there's just so much more of it coming out of Japan.
Also, I'm an adult. I am intelligent. I don't need things dumbed down for me (usually *ahem*). Most of the animation coming out of Hollywood today is aimed at children. The major players like Pixar and Disney try to make it intelligent and interesting enough for adults to appreciate, but at the core, they know their market is kids. And don't even get me started on Saturday morning cartoons and Teletubbies. My husband and I frequently bemoan the fate of our cherished Saturday morning shows for the junk they seem to throw out there for today's kids. Every animated show on TV these days seems to be aimed at the intelligence level of those under 5, even the ones that seem to be geared for the grade schoolers or teens. What's up with that? Does Hollywood really think American kids are dumb???
Yes, there is some bizarre shit coming out of Japan. I've seen some of their "kids" shows, and they can be frightening. One of my favorite drawn characters is Puchiko from the show Digi Charat aimed at little girls. I've watched exactly ONE episode of the cartoon, and it was exactly as I described above: at the intelligence level of preschoolers, but with all but one of the characters being adults or teens. Weird.
But there is so much adult anime coming out of Japan, one doesn't have to get one's fix from kids shows. Most of the anime I watch is aimed at adults, and should usually be kept away from children. And if you know me at all, you know that's how I prefer my movies in general!
And yet, despite the fact that there are so many adult anime films or serial shows to chose from, most of them have mythical or science fiction themes. I *adore* science fiction, and I find mythology fascinating. adult + fantastical = mysie likie.
Then there is the mood: dark. Anime often portrays some dark future, where things aren't so great, but boy is living fun. I can only explain it by mentioning that The Matrix brought to American movie-goers what Japanese animation production houses have been giving anime lovers for decades: a dark, fast, exciting, sexual thrill. Think of it, would The Matrix really be that interesting a movie if everyone just sat around on their ass actually enjoying themselves when they're "chained" to one another living monotonous lives? Nope, they have to get out, and then fight for the audience to appreciate the story. And if you think you're getting off watching Neo & Trinity shoot up a corporate lobby, have you ever noticed the personality shifts of anyone you get to see in the matrix and then in "real life"? They're all bad-ass, confident, and loving what they do when they're jacked in fighting the good fight. Get them out, and they're insecure, scruffy, and tired.
I think that there are many of us who enjoy adversity. And watching a sexy hero shoot up badguys makes some of us hot. We've been watching anime for years to get our fix, because all Hollywood would give us is White-Bread Bruce Willis blows shit up movies, or Plain-Jane (at least as Ripley) Sigourney Weaver killing aliens. The Matrix finally took the sexy, exciting elements of anime, and turned it into a film that main-stream American actually likes.
So why aren't they flocking to video stores to rent Cowboy Bebop? I have no idea. As for me, anime is like sex. And I'm always looking out for my next hit.
TUE 6.3.03 @ 6:37pm
Lookie here, I got another site award! How cool is this???
I had a pretty dull weekend. Husband was back in town safely, so we had some yummie outings to restaurants, and caught a movie, and that was about it.
Gwen mentioned recently that she likes to do puzzles as a stress-reliever. I think I may have found my stress-reliever:
I've always loved coloring, and as an adult was quite surprised at how consumed I can get by a geometric pattern and some markers. So when I saw this book and cd rom set, I grabbed it with the intent of making some new desktop-pattern backgrounds with it. I am now completely addicted to patterns. A year or so ago I was looking into mosaics to see if I could grab any images off the web to turn into backgrounds, and I was looking at them again today. Mosaics can be gorgeous, but patterns in general are just enchanting. I have a folder of 254 tiles on my desktop that I make OS X cycle through at a rate of 1 change every 5 minutes, so I can have a new desktop pattern as often as possible without getting a headache. Some 94 of them can be found for your viewing and downloading pleasure here. I told you, I'm addicted.
As an aside, I popped over to Reverse Cowgirl a few days ago and was treated to the idea of the non-traditional Book of Days. I've seen all sorts of religious ones in the past, but she is developing her own based on some entries at sexual fetish sites. What a fucking brilliant idea! One of the entries is already up, and I've never heard of the idea of cannabalism expressed so humurously. Plus, I now know the definition of Melcryptovestimentaphilia, and I know how I'm going to die.
Finally, a few words on my age-old addiction: movies. I'm not sure I'm ever going to get around to writing up all the movies I've seen over the last week for my reviews page, mostly because I can only remember 4 of them (Juana La Loca, Possession, A Soldier's Girl, and The Italian Job), and I just got another two to watch. I have until next week Tuesday to watch and return Amy's O., and I bought the Animatrix. I also bought my own personal copy of Secretary, which was only $12.99 since it was previously viewed. Now I have to watch that within the next 30 days to make sure it isn't fucked up before my warranty period expires. No, I'm not stalking him, but he does have some great ideas sometimes. Like Pizzicato Five, which was recently on his playlist. Since I didn't know they had ever gone beyond releasing "Twiggy Twiggy", I now need to try and grab some mp3 of theirs to see if their other stuff is just as nifty.
I leave you now with this. Isn't this hot?
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